from here on out.......

brace yourselves for a long one

It's funny how when I was younger, I dealt with things a certain way; and as a result of the experiences in my life, I gained more wisdom in my decisions, and a different perspective about a lot of things. Some of the same issues I encounter now that I had to face when I was younger, seem so trivial and so not worth the time...knowing that it's not as important as I once perceived it to be. But back in the day, if things failed or just didn't go my way, it was the end of the world. Throughout the years I've come to understand that the sacrifices made are worth it cuz through it all you learn what things are truly important in life. So i guess growing older does have it's pluses.

For a while I knew I wanted to go to UT. I've always been passionate about going into social work, and when i visited the Longhorn saturday, I loved it. The students that gave the orientation were great. After that I liked UT, but I knew that if i didn't get in, I wouldn't be bummed at all cuz I know my Father has the perfect, most beautiful plan for my life, and I was excited to wait and see what that would be. After getting my acceptance to St. Edwards, it was awesome knowing that my future could be in social work and that I would be in Austin. I liked almost everything about St. Edwards. It was then that I realized my contentment for God's plan, and amazingly I got accepted into UT.

After my acceptance I had one fear, and that was to fall into the college trend. I've moved around a lot throughout my life, and I know what it feels like to start over-- to feel totally uncomfortable with your surroundings...and it's not a pretty feeling. But I've always thought that college would be somewhat like that. It may sound odd, but that's actually how i want college to be. I want it to be a place where I'm lifted out of my comfort zone and truly have to learn dependence and trust in God. I figured that if I went to UT i wouldn't be able to experience that completely. so.. for the past several months, I'd been praying about joining a servant team this summer in Mexico. I pretty much left it up to God, although I really wanted to go. After months of praying, I realized that Mexico this summer wasn't in God's will. I'd initially wanted to be a part of the work crew down there to able to serve God and discover more about him by taking a step out of my comfort zone. Well, my plans got shot down...but that's when God's plan came into play. I was seriously considering St.Ed's over UT believing it would be a good experience to explore something different...away from friends...despite the fact that I know perfectly well what that's like. And there were a lot of other reasons why I would have chosen St. Ed's over UT. But through prayer... the little reasons started becoming reasons why I should go to UT. It's funny how God works. Cuz today I was still having some doubts....but well friends are like messengers from God sometimes, and I'm glad God crossed one in my path today. She really reminded me that the college experience depends on how I make it. No matter where I go I wont have to worry about the whole comfort issue... when you go to school with tens of thousands of people...one way or another you'll face an uncomfortable situation....it's just an added bonus when you have friends to share the experience with. I still dont want to be just another typical machine pumped chinese church going person at UT making all sorts of commitments as a frosh, but I do want to lead a fulfilling college experience...and I know God will make that happen at UT...so that's where I'm headed this fall.

And you know what else is funny? Just when you think you're done praying.....that's when the praying really begins. =) It's like i've overcome my plans....letting go of all I've hoped for...but now it's God's turn to run things...and His path is beginning to look clear...but somewhat scary as well. But like I always say, I dont know what the future holds, but I'm sure glad I know who holds the future.