> > Hello God,
> > I called tonight
> > To talk a little while
> > I need a friend who'll listen
> > To my anxiety and trial.
> >
> > You see, I can't quite make it
> > Through a day just on my own...
> > I need your love to guide me,
> > So I'll never feel alone.
> >
> > I want to ask you please to keep
> > My family safe and sound.
> > Come and fill their lives with confidence
> > For whatever fate they're bound.
> >
> > Give me faith, dear God, to face
> > Each hour throughout the day,
> > And not to worry over things
> > I can't change in any way.
> >
> > I thank you God for being home
> > And listening to my call,
> > For giving me such good advice
> > When I stumble and fall.
> >
> > Your number, God, is the only one
> > That answers every time.
> > I never get a busy signal,
> > Never had to pay a dime.
> >
> > So thank you, God, for listening
> > To my troubles and my sorrow.
> > Good night, God, I love You too,
> > And I'll call again tomorrow!

Christmas spirit....

Christmas was good. Up until a few minutes ago when i got an interesting phone call from someones 5th annual *cough* So these three extremely bored people decide to get on my sn. Obviously, everyone is eating Christmas dinner and all the away messages are on. So, these punks are SO bored that they're reading through all the infos. They come across someones with a "crush calculator" and apparently it's suppose to calculate your compatability with several other ppls. So they make up a name for me *shakes head* and insert the name of three boys. Instead of getting a compatability, they discover that it's a trick. So now, the person they got the calculator off of, knows my crushes. A pretty ironic person i might add. But anyhow, thanks guys for the wonderful Christmas gift. I love you too.

Today was a great day. Had dim sum this morning and ran into Michelle and her family. =) When I got home, my family had nap time. Woke up and started cleaning my room, which i'm taking a break from right now. Dinner around the table was really awesome. Then i started cleaning my desk, and cleaning my room. (both yet to be finished), and sorta worked on my final college essay (which i will finish any minute now). My family started watching Pirates of the Caribbean =) buut... for the lack of appreciation on their part, they decided to go to bed and watch it tomorrow. but before my mom left for sleep.....

mom: (referring to Orlando Bloom) Why does that guy look so familiar?
me: from lotr
dad: ohh yeah, legoman
me: yeah... he was blonde in that movie
mom: oh... blonde? i like blonde guys...no wonder he looks so familiar, what a handsome young man.

i was anxiously waiting for her to comment on Johnny Depp....but it never came. But i strongly believe that by the end of the movie... that'll all change. okay.. my room and essay call....

my Reason....my Freedom....the Reason for the season.....that's what You are to me....

seems like everyone was up early this morning. I fell asleep at 10 last night and awoke to my sister pulling the blankets off my bed yelling in my ear, "hey gah jie!!! Where's my present?!?!?!?" So it took me about 30 minutes to get out of bed and deliver gifts. The family was estatic and it was happy times. =) I'm really thankful for all of the gifts I got this year and i like every one of them oober much. But it really is the thought that counts. Dontcha just get this warm fuzzy feeling inside to know that people out there took the time out to think of you and get you a gift? I dunno about you, but suddenly i feel warmer already. Thanks everyone! ^_^

I've been a Christian a little over 8 years and I dont think the depth of Christ's sacrifice has ever hit me completely. Only in recent months have I come to understand a little of just how amazing God's love is. I remember praying to understand what it meant that God loves me, and God answered my prayer. That prayer actually took several years, but when it was answered, words couldnt describe the understanding and the feeling i got. For many years, I've prayed to grasp the depth of the meaning of Christmas. I honestly dont think Christmas hits me the way it can. Just thinking that God sent His only son to step down from His glory to come to earth, is truly out of this world. Everytime i think about Christmas, I get really confused. I'm just so overcome with shock that an almighty God came to earth for one purpose: He lived to die. whoa.

I still remember the day i got baptized. I had planned to say something deep and meaningful, but no words came out of my mouth except John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Do you ever question if there's "more to life than chasing down every temporary high?" Well, there is. As i've mentioned before, I believe that everyone is built with a God-shaped hole, a void you might say, that only God can fill. (hence the name) And if you dont feel like your life is completely fulfilling, it's probably because you havent let Him jump into that hole.
"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

May your holiday season be fulfilling; and may that void in your life be filled with something that will satisfy you for eternity. Merry Christmas =)

i want to get away... i want to fly away.....

winter getaway was really awesome. Although, I felt like I slept through most of it, God really allowed this whole getting away and experiencing God weekend fall at the right time. Sometimes you just need to get away from the busy life and the day-to-day world you live in and breathe a little. I definitely got to do some breathing these past few days.
It's funny how the past several months God has really been revealing to me a lot of what Grace shared at WG. I love God because He meets us where we are in every situation in our lives and He knows exactly what we need to do to free ourselves from the burdens of this world. He demonstrates to us through his control over our lives that he is one deserving of our trust. He knows how to handle our problems in the most affective manner, so that we can completely surrender all that we struggle. God doesnt ask much of us, He only asks that we come to him in obedience.

God's requests are so simple, yet at the same time they're so difficult to achieve. I guess that's why our praise is so much louder once we overcome. I believe that the feeling of being able to free your heart is one of the most amazing things in the world-- one that i thirst for. I want a heart that finds complete satisfaction in having a relationship with God. I want a heart that knows, not just in my mind, that He is enough for me. A wise woman once told me to pray for three things in my life:
1. To desire God more
2. To know God more
3. To love God more.
praying about these three things will lead me to a life fully content in God and God alone.

it only seems like i dont know wuts going on......

first semester of senior year, last semester of high school is over? Oh yeah.

So i called my doc's office today (finally) and her receptionist asked me how old i was, and saying "I'm 18" was a pretty automatic answer.....creepy.

this week was good. a bittersweet feeling that it's over. so got out at 9:30 and matrix Revolutions is not in theaters around here anymore, so Jeremy, Jeff, and I bummed at the Grind and saw BEA! then lunched out again with jeff, jeremy, fred, stefi, and koon. went to family christian bookstore and ran into mrs. fong!!! who gave me a coupon! she rocks. (not cuz the coupon. just cuz she's always so awesome.) and then......Thanx this guy and that guy for the Illuminate CD!!!!! =DDD I think my year is complete now. =) and way to be stealthy about it too.

chilled with Carolyn and picked out sets for wintergetaway worship. IT was so awesome. We were praying for the spirit to lead us as we picked songs, and we basically came up with the same songs and we also thought of the same order to sing them in......PTL! then went christmas shopping, and forgot where i parked. scared a dude cuz i looked so lost in the dark. Maybe cuz i was in a rush so i forgot to remember excatly where i parked.

went to debs ate pizza watched 2 towers. Then the girls and I met up with fred to watch Return of the King. Oober long and oober good. Weirdest movie experience of my life. Ringing cells, chain reaction coughs, and daddy chew out cussy things in front of his 8 yr old son to meanie boys. strangeness......and the 1209734293 endings to the movie! ahhh... nutso.

then i called Diane to wish her a happy bday (post dedication to come) and we got caught up with each others' lives, and realized how long we havent talked to each other. Man.... i miss my girls so much! If the road trip goes through.... I'm gonna be one hecka happy camper.

whoa.. crazy day ahead tomorrow...cant wait... sleep now talk later. peace

they say the neon lights are bright on broadway........

So tomorrow is my last exam of high school *knock on wood* and i've completely lost the will to study. But as jason chow constantly reminds me, school is my job and the task which God has graciously provided for me at this point in my life. School and studying is what God wants me to work at now, but at the same time giving Him the glory in all that i do.

"so whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

this past week has been pretty relaxing. ironic isnt it? Initially, i thought maybe it's because I dont really care anymore. Grades just arent the big waahoo that it use to be. But then i realized what it really is. It's "the peace of God which transcends all understanding." I think i might have even forgotten to ask God for peace, but he knew i needed it and gave it to me, for free! Who says there's no free lunch?

That reminds me of the song Blessed Be Your Name. The part of the song that says "You give and take away." I have found that when you hold something too close to you heart, God will find a way to take it from you because he knows that that's what's best. Then when you become fully content with not having what you once held dear, God gives it back to you. God's timing is perfect.

man... i have this dying urge to go running. If i dont run soon, I think I'm gonna bust. This Christmas break I'm gonna go running lots! (well for the times that i'll be home anyways). Running in the morning, and in the afternoon. Running in the evening and underneath the mooon. AAnnnnd tomorrow is Friday! Annnd i need to go Christmas shopping!

I need to go study. Ohhh.. one last thing. So since i've been having to go to school earlier than usual, I've gotten the chance to say the flag salute (which is kewl..cuz i dont get to very often.) and i realized that I dont know the texas flag salute. All i know is "honor the texas flag" the end. What kind of state has it's own salute? Do all states do that? But getting to the point, I really like the moment of slience. Every morning right before the exam during the moment of slience, I pray and give that time to God. I pray that He will guide and give peace to all who take exams. And the best part about that is, I know He's listening.

ever tried praying during the moment of silence while every other kid in the class is busily cramming the last ounce of fact into their brains? that's in the category of "the kewlest feelings in the world"
peace and good luck examing!

How To Make Smart Decisions

By Rick Warren



Success is largely a matter of making wise choices. As F. W. Boreham said, "We make our decisions and then they make us." That's why every decision has an element of risk to it. We can't always predict the outcome. Are you dealing with any difficult decisions these days? Try following these eight steps for decision-making from the book of Proverbs in the Bible:

STEP 1: PRAY FOR GUIDANCE (Principle of Inspiration) - Start by asking God to help you see His perspective on the problem. Intuition is often wrong. "A man is foolish to trust only himself. But those who use GOD'S WISDOM are safe." Pr. 28:26 (LB)

STEP 2: GET THE FACTS! (Principle of Information) - Don't make decisions out of ignorance. Find out all you can first. "Every prudent man acts out of knowledge." Pr. 13:16 "How stupid to decide before knowing the facts" Pr. 18:13 (LB) "Get the facts at any price..." Pr. 23:23 (LB)

STEP 3: ASK FOR ADVICE (Consultation) - Talk to someone who has already taken the risk if possible. It's wise to learn from experience - but it is even wiser to learn from the experiences of others! That way you don't have to learn everything the hard way. "Get good advice and you will succeed." Pr. 20:18 (GN) "The intelligent man is always open to new ideas - in fact, he looks for them." Pr. 18: 15 (LB)

STEP 4: SET YOUR GOAL (Selection) - Be sure you understand the reason and purpose for the decision you're about to make. You can't chase two rabbits at the same time. "An intelligent person AIMS at wise actions, but a fool starts off in many directions." Pr. 17:24

STEP 5: COUNT THE COST (Evaluation) - This is called a "calculated risk.” Ask yourself (1) Is necessary? (2) What will it cost... in terms of time, energy, money? (3) Is it worth it? "It is a trap to dedicate something rashly, and only later to consider your vows." Pr. 20:25

STEP 6: PLAN FOR PROBLEMS (Preparation) - Remember Murphy’s Law - and he was an optimist! Don't ignore problems - they won't ignore you. So be prepared. "Don't go charging into battle without a plan." Pr.20: 18 (GN) "A sensible man watches for problems and prepared to meet them. The fool never looks ahead and suffers the consequences." Pr. 22:3 (LB)

STEP 7: FACE YOUR FEARS (Confrontation) - Fear is not a sign of weakness - it is a sign of your humanity. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather it is moving ahead in spite of your fears. "Fear of man is a dangerous trap, but to trust in God means safety." Pr. 29:25 (LB)

STEP 8: GO FOR IT! (Initiation) - This is the point at which you must stop talking and start acting. You must begin. "Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed." Pr. 16:3

Getting into You.....

blah...that's wut my brain feels like.

I officially got my mom and sister hooked on honey nut chex mix. If you're not yet an addict, it's something you should definitely try. They're undeniably delicious.

Today, God answered my prayers. I think it's pretty amazing when you pray about something you have absolutely no control over, and you let Him take over, and He finds a solution to all your problems. Makes you realize how miniscule our problems are compared God's power. Did i already mention that God was a super kewl guy? Well, for the record, God's a really kewl guy.

Surprisingly, this week has been going by pretty quickly. Although, finals have not officially started for me yet, I'm glad i dont feel overbooked by studying. The grades I need to get in order to receive good grades in some of my classes are insanely high. Impossible? no.....attainable? with difficulty...... Doable? Definitely.....

so where am i off to? why studying of course. please keep the finals takers in your prayers. And if you're a final taker, saying a prayer before every final can most certainly be a peace-giver. and if you have time, please pray for my head. yes, it's still hurting. thanx a bunch. have a great week!!!

is your relationship with God so insecure that you would seek wisdom from man?

aaaaeeeeeiiiiiiooooooouuuuuu............

only one more week before winter break! There's still one more week before winter break?!?! Winter break begins soon! Not soon enough!

herm... too much college essay writing.... the blood is rushing from my head.

i shall post a short random entry.

i got the cutest piggy from auntie linda. it's terribly adorable and it even has my name on it. Does that mean she thinks i'm a pig? Actually, I'm an ox.

Got chased around by a buncha kid doggies today. My day is complete. Abby and Geselle are too cute. I wanna make like an alex and pinch them.

I decided I dont like equilibrium problems. When Ronnenkamp explains them in class, they make perfect sense. When i come home....i accomplish nothing but stare holes into my equilibrium papers.

left my chem binder at school. That means i need to wake up early to organize it. Yip.....EEE....Skip....EEE.....

Have a great week guys....and dont let finals bog you down.

"for physical training (maybe even mental?) is of some value, but godliness has value for both the present life and the life to come." 1 tim 4:8

When it seriously boils down to it.... grades is not life. When you've fought the fight and run the race...... leave it up to God..... your mind can only take so much studying.

(i have this hanging up in chinese calligraphy in my room)

"Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7

God is kewl all the time... all the time God is kewl.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOO BEA =)

I met Bea when i was a sophomore and she was a junior. I remember we both sat in the same row in algebra 2. I remember her being a super nice person to me and jennifer. At that time both Jennifer and I were new at Clements, and you can just imagine what a torture school was. However, algebra 2 first semester was always pretty exciting cuz Bea always fueled the excitment....even when we didnt get what was going on in that class.

It was super awesome when Bea started going to fellowship and I got to see more of her and chill with her a little more. You can always sense when Bea's in the house cuz that's where the party is.

Something that i really admire about Bea is how she willing asks to be prayed for. It's so evident that she depends on God. She knows that He is enough for her and sufficient enough to carry all her burdens. Furthermore, she knows she has friends who will be prayer warriors for her.

Seeing her grow in Christ has been such an encouragment and I'm confident that God has amazing plans for her as she ventures off to UT next semester. I'll definitely miss seeing her at the Grind whenever i feel like dropping by, but I'm excited to see what a beautiful woman God will continually mold her into.

So Bea, here's to another year older *toast*.

Happy 19th Penn foo

My first memory of alex:

More than a year ago at fellowship, we were playing this game and i remember alex standing in front of everyone. He had his shirt tucked in his pants (Urkle style) and his pants tucked into his socks. His glasses were also resting at the tip of his nose. That was my first impression of him.

Other memories: watching the ring with him and seeing him getting lower and lower in his seat as the movie progressed. I also remember when he first got aim, he IMed everyone on his buddy list, which overwhelmed his two finger typing. Then there was building sand waffle fries with him and andrew at winter getway. I remember hearing him make loud and weird noises at the Vargos bathroom, and also when he drove me home at 70mph down commonwealth. the list goes on.....

So what can i say about alex? It's weird thinking that he's all the way up at penn. At least he can do his own laundry now and he showers and brushes his teeth once in a while too. In all seriousness, it's been both a kewl and strange experience being friends. When i think of alex yang, along with the initial head-scratching thoughts, I definitely see a fired up, seeking, man of God.
May you continue to live the purpose driven life in the next year. Happy Birthday!!! see you soon.

things could be a little different.......

quick post. So i just finished helping my sister with her "what's your tradition" poster for her class, and i also helped with her little speech. It's soo cute! I mean, can you just imagine: a little 7 yr old standing in front of her class with her hands behind her back talking about chinese new years and how we're not suppose to eat meat on the first day cuz chinese superstition says that it's bad luck? cute right? And i must say her poster is rocking. =)
When i arrived at school today, i noticed something different. I noticed that all the parking spaces along the bushes were parked full. usually there's this one car parked in the middle of the row and then the two spaces next to it are empty because there's two large blocks in the middle of the space. Thanks to Jeremy, Kevin, and I the blocks were pushed aside and now everyone that parks along that row is much happier. I think that made my day. Helping out fellow student parkers sure is fun.

Herm...my hair is getting really long. For the most part, i really dont like the maintenance that goes with long hair. The only reason i use to grow my hair really long was to have the thrill of chopping 8 inches off. What a high. Usually, when my hair gets to be about the length that it is now, the 8 inches goes chop. I thought though, that since I'm planning to grow my hair out, i might as well benefit those who need hair more than i do. So when i think of how much my long hair bothers me, I'll remember those cancer patients who dont have any hair to bug them. That is why I'm growing out my hair; so that perhaps this winter a child somewhere out there will have a head of hair to warm their head.

wow... the older i get, the more easily distracted i am... *sigh* so maybe i should try to make some sense out of calcumulus. OH OH OH I FOUND MY WOW 2000 cd =) (not in an abstract way... i found the actual cd.)
have a great friday <*_*>

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY STEENI =)

i've known Steeni for a while. She was the first person i met when i moved to Tri-Citites. I remember it vividly =) I walked into church that sunday, and the first person i met was Mrs. Nevala! and then... we walked into the fireside room. Then Steeni's mom said, "This is my daughter Christine. You can hang out with her so you dont get lost." hehehe.... i love her mom. So that was how your friendship began.

I remember one year i got a card from her that said something like, "Happy Birthday, did you think i forgot? Why... that would be like forgetting my own birthday!" So true... so true...heck we were only born 6 days apart, and i got to be the fortunate older one =) I dunno for some reason, when i think of her, the second thing that comes to mind is "swan style basketball". All those years of playing basketball at the chinese new years celebration....wow....and she's still a swan style pro. So you might be wondering, what is the first thing that comes to mind when i think of steeni. Well, i would have to say, the four musketeers. Wow... i still remember my initiation behind the folded up matress at was it.. F flat camp? It's been a while.

More than being a musketeer, i will always remember the bond that God has placed in our friendship. She has truely been a blessing in my life and along with my other two musketeers. These girls have taught me first hand what it's like to have a true, real, and authentic friendship. One of life's greatest blessings is having those kinds of friendships. No matter how long you've been apart or how far away from each other you are, once you meet again, you can pick up where u left off. I know that i can trust these girls with my life. I can be completely transparent with them i know that they will still love me for who i am. Not a day goes by that i dont thank God for them and for every single one of my friendships. After all, God is a God of relationships.

So Steeni, although i didnt get a chance to wish you a happy birthday in person, I wish you a year older full of blessings. May God continually mold you and shape you into a more beautiful woman in Christ. happy birthday!!!!!!!

No one like You.....

man... i just realized how much i like David Crowder's Illuminate cd. i wanna own it. i keep going back to this site where you only get to listen to the first 30 seconds, but even that is quite satisfying. I guess playing the guitar chords will suffice for now.

I composed a new ring tone! But, my Every Breath That I Take ring tone got deleted..*sigh*...im sad....T_T that is on my "favorite songs" list. Now, my new ring tone is Jian dan ai. or in canton it would be, gahn dahn oiy =)

Two of the worst feelings in the world are being hated and being a disappointment. It's not every day you go out looking to be hated...nor do you strive to be a disappointment. Life isnt fair, but what is?

At times our path is rough and steep,
Our way is hard to see;
We ask God, "Why is life unfair?"
He answers, "Follow Me."

Today, i got to do something i've never done before, tutor spanish. So after an entire summer and nearly a semester of no encounters will any real spanish (mabbe except that one time in Atlanta =P), I feel like i need to hone my skills. So im tutoring this freshman guy in spanish one, (who has Torano by the way) and i was surprised that i still sorta know how to conjugate stuff. Although, I'm not sure if i remember how to ask questions. All the stuff seemed extremely easy, but I wasnt sure if i was remembering right. Anyhow, it was actually sorta fun. It's kewl being a senior and having experienced what it's like to have Torano for a teacher and knowing what it's like to worry about YES hours (which i still do, but at least i dont have to do 125hrs).

So do you think it's true that your affinity for a teacher is a result of how well you do in a class?
alrighty, only a week left of the semester *shock* I just realized how little I'm going to be home this holiday season, it sorta makes me sad. Quality time with the family, can't live without it.

but that's okay..... life goes on......

I should definitely try to stick to a regular sleeping schedule. Last night i did that weird, go to sleep at 9pm wake up at 4am thingy. To say the least, it wasnt that pleasant, considering i had to go to this 7:00am snhs meeting to take a most pointless picture.... On the bright side, I did end up getting more sleep than i normally do. SEVEN hours!!! It's so wacky. When i finish my hw, then go to sleep, i get maybe a meager 5 hrs. But if i do none of it, sleep, then wake up to do it (though not completely thoroughly) Not only do i sleep more, but i think i accomplish more. Perhaps that may be due to the fact that there arent many distractions at 4 in the morning. so i'm updating this early to get one of my distractions out of the way in hopes that I can get some rest tonight.

So since the thanxgiving break, I've been warding off bad napping-in-the-afternoon-after-i-come-home-from school habits. Everything was all good until today. After the SATs on saturday, my head started pounding like no other. Saturday, I was completely beyond hyper.....Yesterday was alright, but i was super out of it during service. It was really distracting to have a bad headache at the back of your head, and the worse part was it hurt my head every time we started singing, but eventually I was able to praise. I guess since i slept sorta at odd hours last night, my headache didnt go away. I had to put my head down in every class just to stop it from pounding. weird... never had bad headaches before, am i sick?

So we're doing a scene from Hamlet for english. If you know me... you know that i love drama. If you knew me freshman year, you'd be utterly surprised that I was in drama. Shy and quiet didnt excatly blend with drama...but i never had stage fright. Being on stage was a different world, and i guess that somehow made me a different person. I always ended up playing all these weird roles....but that was the beauty of it, that's what made it so much fun. Somehow, acting for our Hamlet scene is slightly different. I'm not excatly sure what i think of it. I'm not excatly sure whether i actually enjoy it or not. It's super fuun when the youth team and i get to act for the kids during children's worship, which is probably the only real acting i get to do nowadays....but somehow, this whole Hamlet business isnt completely my thing. I'm actually slightly looking foward to ending this Hamlet stuff, can you imagine how confusing it is every time some ways, "i'm ophelia" and then i think to myself, "no... I'M Ophelia!"
anyhoo, i got a card from Jess today =) man.. miss her tons....she brings back SO many memories....of the wacky middle school days. but enough with the nostalgia.

If you've read thus far....I applaud you.....i totally forgot what i was gonna blog about...so this entry ended up being one of my super long meaningless meaderings. thanx for checking it out, until next time!

when we have shuffled off this mortal coil......

i suddenly forgot what i was planning to blog about, but it actually might have been something interesting.

Anyhow, today marks the end of my SAT taking career. After year of taking SATs....it's finally over. Right now, ive got this splitting headache....

herm.. so yesterday, took my sis to a bday party at chuck E. Cheese. The dude that was in the chuck E suit.... was walking. Then this cute little boy goes up and hugs him, and Chuck E pushes the kid onto the floor!!!!! yeah... i was pretty close to flipping out. My initial thought was, "if you dont like kids hugging you, get a new job." I really cant understand how someone who doesnt like kids, or cant tolerate their hugs, works at Chuck E cheeses.

But stopping for a moment to think.....God loves him. It's such a wild thought.....thinking that God can love the unlovable. Every time i sin, I'm like chuck E cheese.....God tries to embrace me...and i just push him down. But you know, God doesnt react the way i did. He would NEVER tell me to get a new job. In fact, God would prolly do what the little kid did after he got pushed. He would get back up, and follow me and try to hug me again.

Maybe, I was tired a while back, but I was thinking in analogies a few days back. I was just thinking how life is sort of like the movie Final Destination. Not that we try to defy death or anything like that. But the whole concept of looking for signs that prevent you from dying or getting hurt. Looking back on my life, I've come to realize that a lot of time, God gives me signs to stop me from making the mistakes that i do in my life. It's just, at the time, I'm usually too driven by emotion or a feeling that I'm in control of my life, that causes me to be blind to God's perfect plan for me. I think, to really let God reign in your life, you gotta learn to take captive every thought....make every action and decision very God-centered. so yeah... look out for those little signs that God reveals to you.

oiy.... gotta go rest my head. have a great day!!!! =)

Jesus...make me the Man that you want me to be...---> Newsboys

I suppose that song does have a dual meaning....for me anywayz =P So after somewhat (hehe.. fully) memorizing my Hamlet Sillioquy, i decided i couldnt let the first day of my eighteen-hood slip away without a post.

First off, I cant express how special everyone has made this day for me. I really thank my mom because she had this whole surprise bday thing for me....and a buncha awesome girls whom i absolutely adore showed up at my door....and i was utterly confused but if you know me...you know how much i love surprises and that i love my mom a million times that. So yeah... two things that i love went hand in hand today and wow.... i wish it was my 18th birthday everyday. I'm also thankful for my friends who wished me a happy birthday, gave me hug, and made me happy beyond words. While my sillilquy may be slowing oozing out of my brain now....i wont ever forget the day i turned 18. crap...that even sounds weird.

So today at the DPS when i renewed my license, the lady at the counter took one look at my old license and suddenly busted out in a rap version of "happy birthday to you....." It was pretty funny and neat....not every day the dps peeps sing to ya.

So reminiscing about the past eighteen years of my life....i remember the fond memories, the super people, my wonderful family, and most of all, my awesome God. When i think about God, i remember all that He has done for me. Each day he blesses me richly with SO much and i will never be able to express my gratitude. Not only am i happy for the good things in life, but I am most thankful for every challenge and obstacle God has placed in my life. The truth of the matter is, God knows me well, and through every tribulation, He's molded me into a stronger person.

It's funny...in the past few days, so much has happened, and God has revealed so much to me and even as we speak, He continues to challenge me. One of the greatest lessons i've learned before today is surrendering. As i've mentioned before, I know God is a God of fire who continually burns us....and through the pain we are refined. Well, i definitely think that surrendering is part of His fire. God asks that we surrender those things that hurt us to give up...those things that are so difficult to let go that if you didnt know God.... life probably could not go on. These past few days, I've really learned a lot about surrender...and how painful it is to do so. But because I love God and He loves me, He is worthy of surrender. Afterall, love is giving till it hurts. and life isnt about what you think is best for you...it's about trusting that God knows what is best for you and He's worthy to be given our all.

as weird as it may sound....i dont feel 17 anymore...and obviously im not. I guess it just really surprised me how God's prepared me to be a little older and perhaps even a little wiser.

my mom and dad got me card that says, "Happy Birthday, Just think- you're one year closer to looking like your mother!" what a great thought eh? hehe.. my mom's awesome.

so before i go study....just one more big huge THANK YOU!!!! For making my day amazing.

I Belong to You---> Superchick

everybody needs to belong somewhere
life can feel so alone without someone who cares
and when life becomes something just to get through
that's when i'm glad that i belong to You

i belong to You i belong to You
You're the one who will never let me down
won't let me down
i belong to You

sometimes life brings more pain than we can bear alone
when hope is gone and i have no strength to stand on my own
when nothing helps there's nothing that i can do
you surround me and show me i belong to You

i belong to You i belong to You
You're the one who will never let me down
won't let me down
i belong to You

when love is gone, there's no arms to run to anymore
i'm all alone there's no one for me to live for
letting go of the things i've always clung to
that's when i need to feel that i belong to You

when i grow up.. i want to be a firewoman

to-do list on thursday:

1. renew license
2. get a video rental card
3. register for ebay
4. get my nose pierced
5. get a tatoo
6. buy a pack of cigarettes
7. buy a lottery ticket

man.. all the misfortunes that have been happening to me as a result of not being 18. *shakes head* But it's definitely not a bad thing...all has its good purpose. Plus, who wants to be 18 anyways? =P

p.s i was totally kidding about numbers 4-7... me rebel? What were you thinking?

almost forgot! I need a Foley's card too....since i was so graciously neglected one about a month ago....and they have a sale that day too....lucky me.

Canon in D........

I have fob blood running in my veins, and dont get me wrong, i have a good level of fob pride as well. On the other hand... sometimes the first part of my legal name frustrates me somewhat. So today... i get the mail...and there was a small package for me. Now, if you know the first part of my legal name... you'll understand why i'm rolling my eyes. So this package says: Happy 18th Birthday.....and it's from gillete.... okay.. so weird.. gillete knows im turning 18. But what REALLY gets me is....they sent me a guys razor and shaving cream. *slaps forehead* Enough said....if you dont know my real name... u shud be able to guess.

Anyways......this past week was simply wonderful. It was such a great week...i didnt wanna get up this morning =P I just wanted to mention that i thought Johnny and Emily's wedding was absolutely beautiful. Not only were they beautiful people, but the whole idea of two uniting under God is just really amazing. And to make it even more beautiful they did the alter kiss challenge. And even the weather was beautiful! maan.... God really poured out His blessings on their marriage.

Returing to the endless cycle of what life calls.....school.....has really returned me to a state of nausea. Maybe it's a feeling of self-inflicted sickness, cuz last night i wasnt feeling so great. Then today in classes i couldnt keep awake, and that hardly ever happens. So after school i decided to reward myself. I went out and bought msyelf a box of chai latte mix. When i came home... i made myself a LARGE cup of chai tea. ahhh.. good stuff.... cant wait till tomorrow when i can make myself another cup! woohooo.......

herm... wow.. there's so much to do... so little time...