Friday, December 11, 2009

This is something that I read a few years ago that has really stuck with me. Apparently, purpose driven life also thought it was valuable enough to post a second time.

Posted by Rick Warren

... That you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Deuteronomy 30:20 (NIV)

The birth of Jesus reflects the truth that love is a choice and a commitment. You choose to love or you choose not to love.

Today we've bought into this myth that love is uncontrollable, that it's something that just happens to us; it's not something we control. In fact, even the language we use implies the uncontrollability of love. We say, "I fell in love," as if love is some kind of a ditch. It's like I'm walking along one day and bam! - I fell in love. I couldn't help myself.

But I have to tell you the truth - that's not love. Love doesn't just happen to you. Love is a choice and it represents a commitment.

There's no doubt about it, attraction is uncontrollable and arousal is uncontrollable. But attraction and arousal are not love. They can lead to love, but they are not love. Love is a choice.

You must choose to love God; he won't force you to love him (Deuteronomy 30:20). You can thumb your nose at God and go a totally different way. You can destroy your life if you choose to do that. God still won't force you to love him. Because he knows love can't be forced.

And this same principle is true about your relationships: you can choose to love others, but God won't force you to love anyone.

Regardless of our religious beliefs, I still think that love is a choice and that 'falling' in love is not a ditch. Rick Warren put that statement in humorous yet poignant terms.

Not too long ago I watched the Korean drama, The 1st Shop of Coffee Prince. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. The only caution is to watch it when you have time because it's like Pringles, once you start the fun don't stop. Anyhow, the drama really left an impression with me. There were things that definitely frustrated me about the show. Not just the fact that with most Korean dramas you want to yell at the characters for being so moronic but there were particular elements about love that disturbed me. On the other hand, I found the drama refreshing.

I considered for a while why I like the drama so much and I realize that it is so good because it takes you back to youth and the innocence that's there when you're young. What I mean by that is that the drama really captures that feeling of puppy love. The audience has a chance to view puppy love from an outsiders' perspective. You definitely see the tender moments that exist but behind that is all of the irrational angst that bubbles in the scenes. There are many moments that truly embody what it means to 'crush' on someone.

Beyond Coffee Prince's ability to reminisce elements of a youthful love, what I really like about it is the choice that the main characters make to love each other. Unlike many romantic comedies that have a hubbub of drama that ensues before the characters ultimately live happily ever after, this show doesn't simply end at the happily ever after. In fact, after that point in the story, there is a turn of events.

*spoiler alert* Not only do the protagonists in the story choose to love each other but they do so by allowing each other to grow. In fact the male character encourages the female character to grow as a person by letting her go. That, I think, is what love is really all about. This element in the story reminds me of something I read in The Road Less Traveled by M.Scott Peck. I haven't read the entire book but I've skimmed bits and pieces of it. One part of the book had particular influence on me. Basically, the author says that as a therapist one of the things he hears from his clients frequently is that they are in love because they cannot live without the other person. Peck finds this logic to be a misconception and describes it instead as "parasitism, not love. When you require another individual for your survival, you are a parasite on that individual. There is no choice, no freedom involved in your relationship. It is a matter of necessity rather than love. Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other."

So instead of a cliche love story about two parasites, I liked Coffee Prince a lot because it touches on the idea of love as a choice. Hopefully, that was some food for thought. Now, go watch it!

Friday, August 21, 2009

time of your life

I've been thinking about time. One time in high school while volunteering in Houston I recall praying before a meal at a homeless shelter. The person that was praying started out that prayer by saying "Thank you God for this day that we will never live again..." That moment has stuck with me for the last seven years.

Everytime I think about that prayer I consider what it means for me to have the chance to live today.

"For everything there is a season and...
for every activity under heaven its time...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;a time for mourning and a time for dancing...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing...
a time for silence and a time for speech."


I was on the phone with my mom today and before we concluded the call she said "okay, goodbye, I love you." It might appear commonplace for a parent to tell their child she loves them but when she said that it caught me off guard. What got to me was the fact that she took the time to tell me that sentiment. When I called her again later in the day I made it a point to tell her I love her because it was important to me that she knew how I feel. In that moment I was grateful that I got the chance to tell her that.

So I thank God for this day that we will never live again.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

got margins?


so every year i try to think of some practical resolutions to make. this year i felt like i was learning a lot about making space in my life so that my schedule wouldn't be packed back to back with stuff to do. i was reading somewhere about making margins in your life in order to have more time for rest and for God. so i thought to myself it'd be important to make margins in my own life.

have you ever experienced a day that you didn't have anything specific planned to do but you end up doing a million things? there's just some driving force of our cultural that leads us to fill up our lives with time. guess i shal see how this margin resolution works out in 2009.