i stand amazed......
seattle is awesome. everything about it has been great. Yes, i know ive been here for a day. It's sooo surreal. It's been so long since I've seen my girls and it's great just being able to chill with them. It's like something out of a movie that we're all living in the same room. Here is just a brief description of what I've done today.
Woke up this morning and went to eat downstairs at UW's equivalent of JCL but a million times better. Even their sandwiches taste better! The chairs and tables and stuff were quite nice. Then we went to Bellevue Square Mall and did some roaming and shopping which was fun. Sat in Starbucks and caught up with the past two years as well as talked about future plans. Then we went to their church service. After church we went to eat at Red Robins =) I had a dreamsicle orange smoothy....and a bbq something delicious burger. *sigh* After a delightful meal the eight of us ventured to the beach and made smores. It was ridiculous but fun. The waves broke down two barriers and finally infiltrated our "bonfire." After that we took pictures of the seattle skyline for about 45 minutes. Good times good times.
And just to make u texans jealous...the weather is 70ish tshirt and jeans worn comfortably weather.....
Monday, May 30, 2005
Saturday, May 28, 2005
something much delayed from Nick...i never realized I get comments. thanks all you commenters and taggers out there.
High Noon
High Noon
the end is only a new beginning.....
encounters with God have inflicted both a deep sense of pain as well as feelings of everlasting joy in my life. Rec week was truly life-changing, but I'll get into that at another time when I've had a chance to digest what I've learned, what I've experiened. For now, my heart is heavy. God knows, better than anyone or anything in the world, the things I'm wrestling with in my soul. In those times that I've walked by faith, I've sought rest through prayer and I can say with deep conviction that God answers my prayers. In this past week, the moments that I've needed him the most, he has provided for me. God's provision showed itself in the form of answered prayers. When God seemed far away, he was able to draw me near by connecting my tears of sorrow with the broken heart that brought Jesus to his knees.
I don't believe that suffering is ever in vain. In suffering we make a discovery about God's character. When I doubt about God's goodness, God's faithfulness, it's often hard for me to see the purpose behind the plan. It's when I step back and take a look at myself and remember who HE is am I able to look back in my life and see the Ebenezers or the altars built in honor of God for the fulfillment of his promises.
Much like what we learned in the small group leaders track, our journey with Christ is not meant to be easy. The road to God's kingdom is narrow and takes a great deal of faith and strength to trek. When the going gets tough, we need to be assured of our calling to follow Christ. Just as Jesus' disciples so easily dropped all the possessions in their lives, can we too follow God with such obedience?
I know that God has done a good work in me. In the past I would have responded to a sense of God's absence with bitterness, hatred, and an unforgiving heart. Now, I've learned to yield those feelings to God and openly receive his comfort so that I may experience the joy that none other than our Father can give.
Psalms 23
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall
not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green
pastures,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of
righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow
of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will
follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the
LORD
forever.
encounters with God have inflicted both a deep sense of pain as well as feelings of everlasting joy in my life. Rec week was truly life-changing, but I'll get into that at another time when I've had a chance to digest what I've learned, what I've experiened. For now, my heart is heavy. God knows, better than anyone or anything in the world, the things I'm wrestling with in my soul. In those times that I've walked by faith, I've sought rest through prayer and I can say with deep conviction that God answers my prayers. In this past week, the moments that I've needed him the most, he has provided for me. God's provision showed itself in the form of answered prayers. When God seemed far away, he was able to draw me near by connecting my tears of sorrow with the broken heart that brought Jesus to his knees.
I don't believe that suffering is ever in vain. In suffering we make a discovery about God's character. When I doubt about God's goodness, God's faithfulness, it's often hard for me to see the purpose behind the plan. It's when I step back and take a look at myself and remember who HE is am I able to look back in my life and see the Ebenezers or the altars built in honor of God for the fulfillment of his promises.
Much like what we learned in the small group leaders track, our journey with Christ is not meant to be easy. The road to God's kingdom is narrow and takes a great deal of faith and strength to trek. When the going gets tough, we need to be assured of our calling to follow Christ. Just as Jesus' disciples so easily dropped all the possessions in their lives, can we too follow God with such obedience?
I know that God has done a good work in me. In the past I would have responded to a sense of God's absence with bitterness, hatred, and an unforgiving heart. Now, I've learned to yield those feelings to God and openly receive his comfort so that I may experience the joy that none other than our Father can give.
Psalms 23
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall
not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green
pastures,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of
righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow
of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will
follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the
LORD
forever.
Monday, May 16, 2005
but I'm still smiling........
End of Freshman year reflection survey
1) What is your most memorable moment?
I love '05 frosh. Every moment that I have gotten to hang out with you guys have been memorable. From late nights at piano lounge to those final days spent in pcl basement.... I've enjoyed it all. One moment that really sticks out this year would be the evening I came back from the Barton Creek charity night and ate an entire apple pie with Justine. I still laugh every time I think about the fact that we ate an entire pie together.... =P
2) Name people that have greatly impacted your life?
One person would be Yvonne. She was a great small group leader and friend. I liked how she really cared about what was going on with us and her sincere nature. Another person would be Justine. She's a great roommate, very peaceable and tolerant. I like how she's okay with my late night typing/studying, listening to me when I ramble about everything in the world, listening to our "songs of the moment," keeping me accountable, and being a great "family." I"m going to miss rooming with you soo much! Other people that have had a great impact in my life have been all of the senior girls that have taken the time to eat with me and get to know me. They all have wonderful qualities that I aspire to when I'm all grown up...I'll really miss having you gals around next year....but it's never goodbye....=)
3) What expectations did you have coming into college, and how have those been met?
If you know me, I never have any real expectations about almost anything. Four weeks into the school year, my small group all wrote letters to ourselves about goals, desires, and expectations of the year. I'm too lazy to go find the letter right now...for my room has been hit by a tornado of stuff. I just remember writing about things that I was wrestling with entering college and how I hoped that they would find resolve by the end of the year. I also talked about some hopes that I had for the school year. While all that I'd hoped for was accomplished, the things that I had to wrestle with, I still haven't really come to terms with. Maybe things have improved as time heals all things, but I guess I'll keep my chin up for next year.
4) What are some main things you feel God has been teaching you?
definitely patience. While doing this survey....I kept saving the draft so that it wouldn't just disappear if my computer broke down...unfortunately I didnt realize I was typing on two windows (long story) and 5 of my questions that i answered very thoroughly were deleted and now i'm very frustrated to the point of tiredness.
On a serious note. I really think that God has been teaching me to value my education. This year I've learned that I have a moral responsibility to my future profession as a social worker. If I'm going to be a good one I will have gained a lot from my education as well as tried the best. While I'm still working on that I realize that this mentality has gotten me past the bitterness I harbored about my high school academics. God's also taught me a lot in relation to friendships. In the beginning of the year he taught me that friendships are either for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. At that same time I also learned that we should have Barnabas’ in our lives, those that are our spiritual equals, Pauls'-- people who are our disciplers, and Timothy's-- those that look toward us as examples. While there are still questions that I have about friendships, I know that they will become clear with time and prayer.
5) How have you changed spiritually?
This year I feel like God has been speaking to me in different, more challenging ways. It’s not as simple to carry the cross daily and to follow God. Not that the ways of the world affect me, but overall who God is in my life has changed. College has definitely been my transition from milk to solid food.
6) How have your habits (eating, sleeping, studying, playing etc) changed?
Eating- I eat more regularly and snack less than at home but I’m ok with eating late at night.
Sleeping- In regards to this area, I sleep more in college that I did in high school although at less regular hours. One thing that hasn’t changed is that I still become dysfunctional after 12am.
Studying- I study more than I did in high school. The studying I did this past year was more effective and right before finals I finally learned how to study.
Playing- there’s more time to play in college and I like how everyone is within a 5 minute radius….it makes playing with people more accessible.
Showering- that’s one significant change. My showering hours are no longer regular but more on a feels like basis….but rest assured I feel like showering everyday…which I do.
7) What is one thing you regret/ not regret doing?
One thing I regret is not doing much hanging out in rooms. It was really fun when a buncha people came over to watch the Rockets games =) I also enjoyed bumming for a few hours in my room just chillin with Rosalie and having Karen over right before o&w. Of course I always enjoyed my hermitting time with my roomie! I also wish that my quiet times were more consistent. While I know quality is stressed over quantity, I do wish that there was more quality. I must say that every time I had a quiet time, they were quality. I was able to encounter God in some pretty amazing ways…just wish it happened more often this past school year.
I also regret now getting to know some people better. Luckily people that I want to get to know better are still around next year! As for those that I did get to know, I’m very glad I got to know you!
One thing I don’t regret is not getting enough sleep because every time I had to sleep really late not because of school work was really awesome.
8) If you could change one thing about freshman year, what would it be?
The first time I answered this question…I had a really great answer….but this time around, I’ve forgotten what it was.
I guess one thing I would change is those relationships with people that have changed. I realize that friendships at home aren’t what they are in college. I wish that both parties would have treasured the friendship equally. Instead, that didn’t really happen. While I’m saddened that I felt like sometimes people didn’t really care, and only hung out when convenient, I realize that we each have our own lives, our own friends… where’s the balance? Once again…some friendships are for a reason…some a season…and if we’re lucky, they’ll last a lifetime.
Oh…and go to visit the Greg more.
9) If you could give advice to yourself before the year began, what would have told yourself?
I would tell myself to expect the unexpected and be goal oriented. In a quiet time a few days ago, it talked about how your conscience is the highest standard you hold yourself to. I would have told myself to stick to those standards because there are many circumstances in college that will tell you to compromise those. Another thing is to be okay with people (usually your friends) who have different standards…your standards are not theirs. Everyone’s experience in college is different. If Jesus is your homeboy then this motto holds true: "love God and do whatever you want" because loving God you would do the right thing.”
10) If you could have stopped time momentarily at some time this year, what would that have been and why?
I think I could have wanted to stop time everyday that I got to be roommates with Justine or every time I laughed really hard. I’ll miss being Justine’s roommate…I was her favorite and she was mine. I guess through the course of this year, she was a great friend as well as my family away from home. I know she’ll always be a friend and family away from family but it’s hard thinking that we won’t be able to roll over on our beds at 4am and say something to each other. As for those laughing moments….I know that when I laughed those moments had to be memorable in some shape or fashion.
11) If you could have fast forwarded through a short time during the year, when would that have been and why?
All of the times the experiences of the past kept me from looking toward the beauty of the future.
12) What class, if any, has made a significant impact?
I think all of my classes have made a significant impact because in some fashion all of them have been related to each other. My 4 social work classes have enhanced my knowledge of the profession and I’ve grown to appreciate and respect what social workers do, now that I know more about them. All of my classes have made me think and shape my mind in different ways…that contribute my future as a social worker. Although I don’t have it all together with my career plans…I do question every now and then whether I will stick with this forever.
13) How often did you skip class?
I never intentionally skipped class. I got the stomach flu really bad once and missed class. I forgot how to write a bibliography once and I wasn’t watching the time and missed class. I studied really late for a test and forgot about my TA session so I set my alarm clock one hour later once. Therefore, I never skipped class because I didn’t feel like going. To some people (those fortunate few) that have had the pleasure of experiencing my nazi nature of telling you to go to class (even when you didn’t feel like it), you will know that I am a strong advocate of attending classes =) (with a few exceptions of course)
14) Did you like your professors? What professor, if any, has made an impact?
I was part of a fig first semester and I guess they give figs awesome professors. I liked all my first semester professors to some extend. Of course they all had their quirks, some more than others. As for second semester, I was pretty lucky and randomly selected pretty cool teachers. Although, the classes were difficult, the material was interesting and the professors were very approachable. I had two favorite professors. My sociology prof, professor Park. She was hilarious and very friendly. I’m sad that she’s leaving next year. Another professor I really liked was Professor Radey. Although I got the worse grade in my life in her class, I liked how she wanted us to learn. At first she came off as a meanie professor, but she ended up being really awesome and then I found out she was friends with professor Park! The thing I liked about these professors was the fact that they cared more about their students progress in learning the material than the material itself. You can always tell when an professor doesn’t care about their students.
End of Freshman year reflection survey
1) What is your most memorable moment?
I love '05 frosh. Every moment that I have gotten to hang out with you guys have been memorable. From late nights at piano lounge to those final days spent in pcl basement.... I've enjoyed it all. One moment that really sticks out this year would be the evening I came back from the Barton Creek charity night and ate an entire apple pie with Justine. I still laugh every time I think about the fact that we ate an entire pie together.... =P
2) Name people that have greatly impacted your life?
One person would be Yvonne. She was a great small group leader and friend. I liked how she really cared about what was going on with us and her sincere nature. Another person would be Justine. She's a great roommate, very peaceable and tolerant. I like how she's okay with my late night typing/studying, listening to me when I ramble about everything in the world, listening to our "songs of the moment," keeping me accountable, and being a great "family." I"m going to miss rooming with you soo much! Other people that have had a great impact in my life have been all of the senior girls that have taken the time to eat with me and get to know me. They all have wonderful qualities that I aspire to when I'm all grown up...I'll really miss having you gals around next year....but it's never goodbye....=)
3) What expectations did you have coming into college, and how have those been met?
If you know me, I never have any real expectations about almost anything. Four weeks into the school year, my small group all wrote letters to ourselves about goals, desires, and expectations of the year. I'm too lazy to go find the letter right now...for my room has been hit by a tornado of stuff. I just remember writing about things that I was wrestling with entering college and how I hoped that they would find resolve by the end of the year. I also talked about some hopes that I had for the school year. While all that I'd hoped for was accomplished, the things that I had to wrestle with, I still haven't really come to terms with. Maybe things have improved as time heals all things, but I guess I'll keep my chin up for next year.
4) What are some main things you feel God has been teaching you?
definitely patience. While doing this survey....I kept saving the draft so that it wouldn't just disappear if my computer broke down...unfortunately I didnt realize I was typing on two windows (long story) and 5 of my questions that i answered very thoroughly were deleted and now i'm very frustrated to the point of tiredness.
On a serious note. I really think that God has been teaching me to value my education. This year I've learned that I have a moral responsibility to my future profession as a social worker. If I'm going to be a good one I will have gained a lot from my education as well as tried the best. While I'm still working on that I realize that this mentality has gotten me past the bitterness I harbored about my high school academics. God's also taught me a lot in relation to friendships. In the beginning of the year he taught me that friendships are either for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. At that same time I also learned that we should have Barnabas’ in our lives, those that are our spiritual equals, Pauls'-- people who are our disciplers, and Timothy's-- those that look toward us as examples. While there are still questions that I have about friendships, I know that they will become clear with time and prayer.
5) How have you changed spiritually?
This year I feel like God has been speaking to me in different, more challenging ways. It’s not as simple to carry the cross daily and to follow God. Not that the ways of the world affect me, but overall who God is in my life has changed. College has definitely been my transition from milk to solid food.
6) How have your habits (eating, sleeping, studying, playing etc) changed?
Eating- I eat more regularly and snack less than at home but I’m ok with eating late at night.
Sleeping- In regards to this area, I sleep more in college that I did in high school although at less regular hours. One thing that hasn’t changed is that I still become dysfunctional after 12am.
Studying- I study more than I did in high school. The studying I did this past year was more effective and right before finals I finally learned how to study.
Playing- there’s more time to play in college and I like how everyone is within a 5 minute radius….it makes playing with people more accessible.
Showering- that’s one significant change. My showering hours are no longer regular but more on a feels like basis….but rest assured I feel like showering everyday…which I do.
7) What is one thing you regret/ not regret doing?
One thing I regret is not doing much hanging out in rooms. It was really fun when a buncha people came over to watch the Rockets games =) I also enjoyed bumming for a few hours in my room just chillin with Rosalie and having Karen over right before o&w. Of course I always enjoyed my hermitting time with my roomie! I also wish that my quiet times were more consistent. While I know quality is stressed over quantity, I do wish that there was more quality. I must say that every time I had a quiet time, they were quality. I was able to encounter God in some pretty amazing ways…just wish it happened more often this past school year.
I also regret now getting to know some people better. Luckily people that I want to get to know better are still around next year! As for those that I did get to know, I’m very glad I got to know you!
One thing I don’t regret is not getting enough sleep because every time I had to sleep really late not because of school work was really awesome.
8) If you could change one thing about freshman year, what would it be?
The first time I answered this question…I had a really great answer….but this time around, I’ve forgotten what it was.
I guess one thing I would change is those relationships with people that have changed. I realize that friendships at home aren’t what they are in college. I wish that both parties would have treasured the friendship equally. Instead, that didn’t really happen. While I’m saddened that I felt like sometimes people didn’t really care, and only hung out when convenient, I realize that we each have our own lives, our own friends… where’s the balance? Once again…some friendships are for a reason…some a season…and if we’re lucky, they’ll last a lifetime.
Oh…and go to visit the Greg more.
9) If you could give advice to yourself before the year began, what would have told yourself?
I would tell myself to expect the unexpected and be goal oriented. In a quiet time a few days ago, it talked about how your conscience is the highest standard you hold yourself to. I would have told myself to stick to those standards because there are many circumstances in college that will tell you to compromise those. Another thing is to be okay with people (usually your friends) who have different standards…your standards are not theirs. Everyone’s experience in college is different. If Jesus is your homeboy then this motto holds true: "love God and do whatever you want" because loving God you would do the right thing.”
10) If you could have stopped time momentarily at some time this year, what would that have been and why?
I think I could have wanted to stop time everyday that I got to be roommates with Justine or every time I laughed really hard. I’ll miss being Justine’s roommate…I was her favorite and she was mine. I guess through the course of this year, she was a great friend as well as my family away from home. I know she’ll always be a friend and family away from family but it’s hard thinking that we won’t be able to roll over on our beds at 4am and say something to each other. As for those laughing moments….I know that when I laughed those moments had to be memorable in some shape or fashion.
11) If you could have fast forwarded through a short time during the year, when would that have been and why?
All of the times the experiences of the past kept me from looking toward the beauty of the future.
12) What class, if any, has made a significant impact?
I think all of my classes have made a significant impact because in some fashion all of them have been related to each other. My 4 social work classes have enhanced my knowledge of the profession and I’ve grown to appreciate and respect what social workers do, now that I know more about them. All of my classes have made me think and shape my mind in different ways…that contribute my future as a social worker. Although I don’t have it all together with my career plans…I do question every now and then whether I will stick with this forever.
13) How often did you skip class?
I never intentionally skipped class. I got the stomach flu really bad once and missed class. I forgot how to write a bibliography once and I wasn’t watching the time and missed class. I studied really late for a test and forgot about my TA session so I set my alarm clock one hour later once. Therefore, I never skipped class because I didn’t feel like going. To some people (those fortunate few) that have had the pleasure of experiencing my nazi nature of telling you to go to class (even when you didn’t feel like it), you will know that I am a strong advocate of attending classes =) (with a few exceptions of course)
14) Did you like your professors? What professor, if any, has made an impact?
I was part of a fig first semester and I guess they give figs awesome professors. I liked all my first semester professors to some extend. Of course they all had their quirks, some more than others. As for second semester, I was pretty lucky and randomly selected pretty cool teachers. Although, the classes were difficult, the material was interesting and the professors were very approachable. I had two favorite professors. My sociology prof, professor Park. She was hilarious and very friendly. I’m sad that she’s leaving next year. Another professor I really liked was Professor Radey. Although I got the worse grade in my life in her class, I liked how she wanted us to learn. At first she came off as a meanie professor, but she ended up being really awesome and then I found out she was friends with professor Park! The thing I liked about these professors was the fact that they cared more about their students progress in learning the material than the material itself. You can always tell when an professor doesn’t care about their students.
i fell for lifehouse.....
What day is it---You and Me, Lifehouse
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off you
Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of
You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
cast away.......
Lately, I've been trying to think of some good reasons to keep this weblog. Throughout the years I've tried to decide what the purpose of having one is and if that purpose is really a legitimate cause to keep the blog. I feel that in some cases, having a weblog does interfere with social interactions. People usually blog about things that they want to say and then when you talk to people in person you're just repeating yourself. Although, I can see how repetitiveness is also a problem with humanoid interactions.....since there's always the possibility of sharing the same stories or insights several times. But isn't that the beauty of social interactions? That you actually get to interact with people...despite the fact that you share the same story, same joke, same stuff several times people can respond to that...and maybe even say something meaningful?
Aim just doesnt cut it. Did you know that all this new computer jazz is deteriorating our attention spans? Even though you feel like you're getting to know people better, not only do you take away from the people interaction aspect of it, but your attention span becomes shorter so eventually even IF you wanted to interact with people, you wouldnt be able to because after hearing 20 seconds of what they have to say...you zone out and start counting the sheep in the sky....you simple cant listen long enough to carry a good conversation. haha..maybe im exaggerating...but you get the point.
So...without all this technology of computers and cell phones....friendships would be harder to sustain huh? I mean without cell phones...i think everyone would need an answering machine and you'd have to make appointments with friends to hang out and eat instead of simply going down the buddy list or phone contacts to IM or call everyone available to get together spur of the moment. How did we manage to have friends in middle school? How did our parents ever make friends? Would I have gotten to know you otherwise?
As a result of these innovations in technology....has friendship and social interactions become a convenience? Is that bad? If I never blogged, never chatted on aim, never used email, never had possession of a cell phone.....would I have any friends? Do our un-tech savvy grandparents have friends?
What is the missing link to all of this? Is there a balance between appreciating the convenience of technology and what it takes away from the quality of interaction with people?
Lately, I've been trying to think of some good reasons to keep this weblog. Throughout the years I've tried to decide what the purpose of having one is and if that purpose is really a legitimate cause to keep the blog. I feel that in some cases, having a weblog does interfere with social interactions. People usually blog about things that they want to say and then when you talk to people in person you're just repeating yourself. Although, I can see how repetitiveness is also a problem with humanoid interactions.....since there's always the possibility of sharing the same stories or insights several times. But isn't that the beauty of social interactions? That you actually get to interact with people...despite the fact that you share the same story, same joke, same stuff several times people can respond to that...and maybe even say something meaningful?
Aim just doesnt cut it. Did you know that all this new computer jazz is deteriorating our attention spans? Even though you feel like you're getting to know people better, not only do you take away from the people interaction aspect of it, but your attention span becomes shorter so eventually even IF you wanted to interact with people, you wouldnt be able to because after hearing 20 seconds of what they have to say...you zone out and start counting the sheep in the sky....you simple cant listen long enough to carry a good conversation. haha..maybe im exaggerating...but you get the point.
So...without all this technology of computers and cell phones....friendships would be harder to sustain huh? I mean without cell phones...i think everyone would need an answering machine and you'd have to make appointments with friends to hang out and eat instead of simply going down the buddy list or phone contacts to IM or call everyone available to get together spur of the moment. How did we manage to have friends in middle school? How did our parents ever make friends? Would I have gotten to know you otherwise?
As a result of these innovations in technology....has friendship and social interactions become a convenience? Is that bad? If I never blogged, never chatted on aim, never used email, never had possession of a cell phone.....would I have any friends? Do our un-tech savvy grandparents have friends?
What is the missing link to all of this? Is there a balance between appreciating the convenience of technology and what it takes away from the quality of interaction with people?