under my skin.....

everyday is an adventure at work. I always have some story to share about the kids. Today, I was supervising nap time and this one kid kept passing gas and the kids that were awake giggled. Yesterday, a little girl ate my hair tie. *sigh* the life of a kid. I like seeing how excited they get when they see their mommy or daddy arriving to pick them up. Sometimes I feel that way when I come home from Austin. My folks don't always welcome me home with a hug or kiss but there's some kind of safety and joy that comes with going home to the parents and they always seem very excited. Sometimes when I see the kids getting picked up, it's almost a glimpse of when our Father in heaven welcomes us to our eternal home.

I like how God gave us parents to parallel that relationship we have with him. I think sometimes our relationship with our parents reflects how we pursue and view God. It's been said, but I really take my parents for granted. I fail to recognize what they put up with and what they do for me. It's a humbling, shameful kind of feeling. My dad gets the worse sides of me sometimes and yet he forgives me. As I've grown older, I've learned to apologize for the ways I wrong my parents because I can't imagine how much it hurts when your child acts negatively towards you after you've given them so much. Being a parent is surely not an easy task. I am thankful beyond words for mine.

man that new BSB cd sounds like hott stuff...one day I'll get my hands on one.

the luxuries of doing nothing......

although I've had a job before, I always learn something new about working. I blame myself, but I didn't have work today. So I got sick Friday (my first day of work) and then I left early. I forgot to call in this morning to confirm that I was coming into work and so....when I got to work, I was not schedule to work and they sent me home healthy. Perhaps it was a good thing that I didnt have to work today. i actually had some other matters of business to attend to. Things always happen for a reason so they say.

I think I'll always be immature about people passing gas.

It's funny how I had energy to get up early to go run this morning, but then when the afternoon came, I crashed. I took the longest nap known to mankind. It felt great. Sometimes naps are simply needed.
I lied about cleaning my room today. I had every good intention to clean my room, but I found other means to be productive. However, this task cannot take the span of the summer to accomplish... house guests are coming and they must never see my room in such a condition. Every night I fall asleep and wonder....how do I sleep peacefully in this mess...with a couple loads of laundry sprawled on my bed? But hey that's home.

writing things out and talking about things= therapeutic.

i watch movies for fun when im home alone. Yes, I'm crazy about scary movies but as crazy as I am, I prefer watching light hearted movies when I'm alone (and if it's a Brad movie, that's just extra bonus), not to say I wouldnt watch a scary one...always up for that =) Today, I watched Needing You (hong kong romantic comedy staring Andy Lau and Sammy Cheng). After re-watching it for the who-knows-how-manyth time, I still really like it...and laugh pretty loud at the ridiculous stuff. If I had one movie to describe me, I would say that would be it... for several reasons.

continued......

15) Academically which did you think was more difficult, high school or college?

For me, first semester of college was a lot easier than high school. Second semester, everything was downhill. In all my high school years combined, I don’t think I had as many late nights as I did my second semester in college. However, I did experience what many people call stress, second semester. I never stress over things, but gosh why did school work have to be the first? Of course, I got over it and as always, stuff got accomplished. Academics are definitely not worth wasting your worries about. Know your priorities and stick to and things turn out good.

16) Have your thoughts/ opinions changed (if at all) regarding religion?

Overall, the things that I believe in have remained the same. What is this question asking me to answer?! About God or about religions? I do think that my “list of questions to ask God when I get to heaven” have increased. It’s okay to say you don’t know something….if you knew it all you’d be God!

17) Have your thoughts/ opinions changed (if at all) regarding people around you?

I think what I thought about people I knew in high school has changed. The things that they do with the newfound freedom of college was quite startling at first and a little bit unexpected. I guess the things that they engaged in were always part of their lives but actually witnessing it was another story. I’ve realized that my relationships with people at home are different when in college. Home and Austin are two completely different worlds. You’ll hang out and be friends with people at home but not at school or vice versa. I guess I have a thought or two about that.

18) Have your thoughts/opinions changed (if at all) regarding life in general?

What a profound question. Questions about life are always rather hard to answer. I think I’ve come to see the things in my life as more of an undeserved blessing. In college, I keep reminding myself that there is a purpose to life, a purpose for the things that happen. There’s a purpose for all the work we do in college and all the people we meet.

30) Name a risk you have taken (if any) and discuss its outcome.
I would say a risk I took was joining social work council and the student volunteering board. It’s always a risk when you do something you’re not completely comfortable with or engage in some activity that you don’t know people involved in. Both of those experiences were great. Initially I wanted to join these organizations to 1. become more passionate about my major, and 2. to meet more ppl. The first was accomplished but the meeting ppl task is always more difficult when both parties have different lifestyles and group of friends. Nonetheless it’s always great getting to know new ppl even if they’re different from you and I highly recommend joining at least one non-Christians oriented org cuz when you’re too submerged in Christian culture it becomes more difficult to relate to people that aren’t just like you. It’s more difficult to be an effective witness that way. Keep an open mind.

31) What is the greatest thing you have achieved?
Wow… what an unhumbling question. I would have to say the greatest thing would be the friendships that I’ve established this year. I’ve found wonderful girl friends that I can cry with and laugh with, who are not afraid to tell me what I don’t want to hear as well as friends who can laugh at and with me. Of course, I did not single handedly achieve this feat. Friends I believe are always a huge blessing from God.

32) Do you like your major? Not just because of the money you’ll make from it…do you seriously enjoy it? Why or why not?

What an honest question. Well, my major is social work. I definitely don’t think I’m in it for the money. If I was…. I’m definitely gonna be in for a huge surprise after I graduate. One thing I like about social work is how it reveals the imperfections of human nature as well as the injustices all around us. Being in social work has made me more aware of the world and how much we need God’s love. I’ve grown more sensitive to the issues that really matter. The things I’ve learned from social work, make the problems in my life seem so small. There are bigger things happening in the world than oneself.

33) What have you missed from home since you came to college?

I missed having a clean bathroom. I missed my sister. I missed having springs in my bed. I missed the at home life and people in my home. Things just seemed so much easier at home.

34) What have you not missed from home since you came to college?
Being nagged when I forget to put away cups and socks…though I know that those things are for my own good. I don’t miss Clements.

35) What is the coolest free thing you have obtained this year?
I’d have to say the sticky notes I got from the Epic people. They were useful and just the right size and I like the colors.

36) In whose dorm room was it the coolest to hang out?
Surprisingly, I don’t think I did much hanging out in other peoples’ rooms. Therefore, I would have to say that my room was the coolest cuz people finally came to visit Juice and I at the end of the year (it’s nice to know that ppl knew the basement dwellers existed). I guess I did hang out the most in my room…more than anywhere else on campus.

37) How did you like your living conditions?
W0054 was spectacular. It wasn’t the best in the world but it was manageable. Once Juice and I spiced it up a little it was the most splendid little place in all of UT. I definitely like having connecting bath cuz…I have a small bladder…therefore nature calls frequently and it’s nice to not have to search for a key to access a potty.

38) What was the coolest thing in your room?
That would have to be Justine’s alarm clock. That thing taught me Chinese!!! It was awesome.

40) What was the coolest outing that you went on?
I must say the coolest…was the surprise Juice threw me. I love surprises…and I got caked (sort of) for the first time. It’s nice being loved. Besides that I think I really liked going to Hula Hut with my small group. I like giving presents and seeing other ppl giving presents so that was a lot of fun. Man…I can actually think of several more things….

41) Which do you like better, Austin or your hometown? Why?
I like Austin’s scenery. I like Houston’s food. I like whatever town my family’s at.

42) What was the most painful realization you made?
Four years is gonna go by way too fast…. And I’m no longer a freshman.

43) What was the most surprisingly revelation you had?
Spending money is easy…it’s making money that’s the hard part. When I realized how much money I’d spent first semester, it was time to get a job.

47) Who/what about college will you miss the most during the summer?
All of the non Houstonian girls!!! On rare occasion I guess I miss the guys too? I miss being able to walk upstairs to get gummy bears at 10:50. I miss how everyone lived in such close proximity. I miss how you could get almost everywhere u needed by foot. I miss independent freedom. I miss random quality chats with my roommate.

51) What was your happiest moment?
The first time my sister called me at 8am on Sunday after I’d gone to bed three hours before. Ooh and when I got to talk to my grandma for mother’s day and realized I still had some good canton left in me.

52) What was your saddest moment?
When Jessica Sun and I mourned the loss of the Rockets

53) What was your most exciting moment?
Watching basketball in my room when the Rockets won a game but even better yet just having the girls ....and LB over=)

54) What is your favorite conversation you had this year?
I’m thankful to say that I did not just have one of them. I had too many to count and I am thankful. I had countless wonderful conversations with my small group girls, other freshman girls and my roommate. I also engaged in some quality talks with a few of the upperclassmen girls and graduated seniors. Thanks for taking me out to eat and pouring out words of wisdom!

61) What advice would you give you incoming freshmen?
In the words of an email
Happy moments? Praise God
Difficult moments? Seek God
Quiet moments? Worship God
Painful moments? Trust God
Every moment? Thank God

what makes it real.......

seattle was a great trip. It was a much delayed visit. The girls I went to visit have taught me many lessons on life. They challenge me in my faith and share with me things that are difficult to listen to as well as encouraged me to follow God more deeply and that's why I cheerish their friendship. This time around, they've reminded me that I shouldn't just take my faith as it is, and to question the reasons why I believe what I do. The faith that I have makes so much sense to me. But when you really think about it, being Christian is one of the most illogical things you can commit your life to. You believe in a God you cannot see and go against the principles the world feeds you. Why does being a Christian make so much sense to those who believe in Jesus as their savior?

My girls have also taught me to value prayer on a deeper level. Talking to them I've realized that communicating with God has brought me through the ups and downs of life. Sometimes there are too many things consuming my life that it is in prayer that I can find rest. I know God listens and that's why I pray. I also believe that prayer is that link that connects my friends and I together when we've been far apart for so many years. Despite our distance we've kept in touch and been involved in each others lives. With God as our center, our friendship has withstood the test of time. Friendships are truly a blessing from God. Without them how lonely would we feel? As I've shared with many people, some friends are in our lives for a reason, to serve a good purpose, to teach us a lesson in our lives. Other friends come into our lives for a season to show us something at a particular period in our lives. And there are those friends who come into your life to remain and bless you for a lifetime, continually teaching you something about yourself, about your faith, about life.

i stand amazed......

seattle is awesome. everything about it has been great. Yes, i know ive been here for a day. It's sooo surreal. It's been so long since I've seen my girls and it's great just being able to chill with them. It's like something out of a movie that we're all living in the same room. Here is just a brief description of what I've done today.

Woke up this morning and went to eat downstairs at UW's equivalent of JCL but a million times better. Even their sandwiches taste better! The chairs and tables and stuff were quite nice. Then we went to Bellevue Square Mall and did some roaming and shopping which was fun. Sat in Starbucks and caught up with the past two years as well as talked about future plans. Then we went to their church service. After church we went to eat at Red Robins =) I had a dreamsicle orange smoothy....and a bbq something delicious burger. *sigh* After a delightful meal the eight of us ventured to the beach and made smores. It was ridiculous but fun. The waves broke down two barriers and finally infiltrated our "bonfire." After that we took pictures of the seattle skyline for about 45 minutes. Good times good times.

And just to make u texans jealous...the weather is 70ish tshirt and jeans worn comfortably weather.....

something much delayed from Nick...i never realized I get comments. thanks all you commenters and taggers out there.

High Noon

the end is only a new beginning.....

encounters with God have inflicted both a deep sense of pain as well as feelings of everlasting joy in my life. Rec week was truly life-changing, but I'll get into that at another time when I've had a chance to digest what I've learned, what I've experiened. For now, my heart is heavy. God knows, better than anyone or anything in the world, the things I'm wrestling with in my soul. In those times that I've walked by faith, I've sought rest through prayer and I can say with deep conviction that God answers my prayers. In this past week, the moments that I've needed him the most, he has provided for me. God's provision showed itself in the form of answered prayers. When God seemed far away, he was able to draw me near by connecting my tears of sorrow with the broken heart that brought Jesus to his knees.

I don't believe that suffering is ever in vain. In suffering we make a discovery about God's character. When I doubt about God's goodness, God's faithfulness, it's often hard for me to see the purpose behind the plan. It's when I step back and take a look at myself and remember who HE is am I able to look back in my life and see the Ebenezers or the altars built in honor of God for the fulfillment of his promises.

Much like what we learned in the small group leaders track, our journey with Christ is not meant to be easy. The road to God's kingdom is narrow and takes a great deal of faith and strength to trek. When the going gets tough, we need to be assured of our calling to follow Christ. Just as Jesus' disciples so easily dropped all the possessions in their lives, can we too follow God with such obedience?

I know that God has done a good work in me. In the past I would have responded to a sense of God's absence with bitterness, hatred, and an unforgiving heart. Now, I've learned to yield those feelings to God and openly receive his comfort so that I may experience the joy that none other than our Father can give.

Psalms 23
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall
not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green
pastures,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of
righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow
of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will
follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the
LORD
forever.

but I'm still smiling........
End of Freshman year reflection survey

1) What is your most memorable moment?
I love '05 frosh. Every moment that I have gotten to hang out with you guys have been memorable. From late nights at piano lounge to those final days spent in pcl basement.... I've enjoyed it all. One moment that really sticks out this year would be the evening I came back from the Barton Creek charity night and ate an entire apple pie with Justine. I still laugh every time I think about the fact that we ate an entire pie together.... =P

2) Name people that have greatly impacted your life?
One person would be Yvonne. She was a great small group leader and friend. I liked how she really cared about what was going on with us and her sincere nature. Another person would be Justine. She's a great roommate, very peaceable and tolerant. I like how she's okay with my late night typing/studying, listening to me when I ramble about everything in the world, listening to our "songs of the moment," keeping me accountable, and being a great "family." I"m going to miss rooming with you soo much! Other people that have had a great impact in my life have been all of the senior girls that have taken the time to eat with me and get to know me. They all have wonderful qualities that I aspire to when I'm all grown up...I'll really miss having you gals around next year....but it's never goodbye....=)

3) What expectations did you have coming into college, and how have those been met?

If you know me, I never have any real expectations about almost anything. Four weeks into the school year, my small group all wrote letters to ourselves about goals, desires, and expectations of the year. I'm too lazy to go find the letter right now...for my room has been hit by a tornado of stuff. I just remember writing about things that I was wrestling with entering college and how I hoped that they would find resolve by the end of the year. I also talked about some hopes that I had for the school year. While all that I'd hoped for was accomplished, the things that I had to wrestle with, I still haven't really come to terms with. Maybe things have improved as time heals all things, but I guess I'll keep my chin up for next year.

4) What are some main things you feel God has been teaching you?

definitely patience. While doing this survey....I kept saving the draft so that it wouldn't just disappear if my computer broke down...unfortunately I didnt realize I was typing on two windows (long story) and 5 of my questions that i answered very thoroughly were deleted and now i'm very frustrated to the point of tiredness.

On a serious note. I really think that God has been teaching me to value my education. This year I've learned that I have a moral responsibility to my future profession as a social worker. If I'm going to be a good one I will have gained a lot from my education as well as tried the best. While I'm still working on that I realize that this mentality has gotten me past the bitterness I harbored about my high school academics. God's also taught me a lot in relation to friendships. In the beginning of the year he taught me that friendships are either for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. At that same time I also learned that we should have Barnabas’ in our lives, those that are our spiritual equals, Pauls'-- people who are our disciplers, and Timothy's-- those that look toward us as examples. While there are still questions that I have about friendships, I know that they will become clear with time and prayer.

5) How have you changed spiritually?

This year I feel like God has been speaking to me in different, more challenging ways. It’s not as simple to carry the cross daily and to follow God. Not that the ways of the world affect me, but overall who God is in my life has changed. College has definitely been my transition from milk to solid food.

6) How have your habits (eating, sleeping, studying, playing etc) changed?
Eating- I eat more regularly and snack less than at home but I’m ok with eating late at night.
Sleeping- In regards to this area, I sleep more in college that I did in high school although at less regular hours. One thing that hasn’t changed is that I still become dysfunctional after 12am.
Studying- I study more than I did in high school. The studying I did this past year was more effective and right before finals I finally learned how to study.
Playing- there’s more time to play in college and I like how everyone is within a 5 minute radius….it makes playing with people more accessible.
Showering- that’s one significant change. My showering hours are no longer regular but more on a feels like basis….but rest assured I feel like showering everyday…which I do.

7) What is one thing you regret/ not regret doing?
One thing I regret is not doing much hanging out in rooms. It was really fun when a buncha people came over to watch the Rockets games =) I also enjoyed bumming for a few hours in my room just chillin with Rosalie and having Karen over right before o&w. Of course I always enjoyed my hermitting time with my roomie! I also wish that my quiet times were more consistent. While I know quality is stressed over quantity, I do wish that there was more quality. I must say that every time I had a quiet time, they were quality. I was able to encounter God in some pretty amazing ways…just wish it happened more often this past school year.

I also regret now getting to know some people better. Luckily people that I want to get to know better are still around next year! As for those that I did get to know, I’m very glad I got to know you!
One thing I don’t regret is not getting enough sleep because every time I had to sleep really late not because of school work was really awesome.

8) If you could change one thing about freshman year, what would it be?
The first time I answered this question…I had a really great answer….but this time around, I’ve forgotten what it was.

I guess one thing I would change is those relationships with people that have changed. I realize that friendships at home aren’t what they are in college. I wish that both parties would have treasured the friendship equally. Instead, that didn’t really happen. While I’m saddened that I felt like sometimes people didn’t really care, and only hung out when convenient, I realize that we each have our own lives, our own friends… where’s the balance? Once again…some friendships are for a reason…some a season…and if we’re lucky, they’ll last a lifetime.

Oh…and go to visit the Greg more.


9) If you could give advice to yourself before the year began, what would have told yourself?
I would tell myself to expect the unexpected and be goal oriented. In a quiet time a few days ago, it talked about how your conscience is the highest standard you hold yourself to. I would have told myself to stick to those standards because there are many circumstances in college that will tell you to compromise those. Another thing is to be okay with people (usually your friends) who have different standards…your standards are not theirs. Everyone’s experience in college is different. If Jesus is your homeboy then this motto holds true: "love God and do whatever you want" because loving God you would do the right thing.”

10) If you could have stopped time momentarily at some time this year, what would that have been and why?
I think I could have wanted to stop time everyday that I got to be roommates with Justine or every time I laughed really hard. I’ll miss being Justine’s roommate…I was her favorite and she was mine. I guess through the course of this year, she was a great friend as well as my family away from home. I know she’ll always be a friend and family away from family but it’s hard thinking that we won’t be able to roll over on our beds at 4am and say something to each other. As for those laughing moments….I know that when I laughed those moments had to be memorable in some shape or fashion.

11) If you could have fast forwarded through a short time during the year, when would that have been and why?
All of the times the experiences of the past kept me from looking toward the beauty of the future.

12) What class, if any, has made a significant impact?
I think all of my classes have made a significant impact because in some fashion all of them have been related to each other. My 4 social work classes have enhanced my knowledge of the profession and I’ve grown to appreciate and respect what social workers do, now that I know more about them. All of my classes have made me think and shape my mind in different ways…that contribute my future as a social worker. Although I don’t have it all together with my career plans…I do question every now and then whether I will stick with this forever.

13) How often did you skip class?
I never intentionally skipped class. I got the stomach flu really bad once and missed class. I forgot how to write a bibliography once and I wasn’t watching the time and missed class. I studied really late for a test and forgot about my TA session so I set my alarm clock one hour later once. Therefore, I never skipped class because I didn’t feel like going. To some people (those fortunate few) that have had the pleasure of experiencing my nazi nature of telling you to go to class (even when you didn’t feel like it), you will know that I am a strong advocate of attending classes =) (with a few exceptions of course)

14) Did you like your professors? What professor, if any, has made an impact?
I was part of a fig first semester and I guess they give figs awesome professors. I liked all my first semester professors to some extend. Of course they all had their quirks, some more than others. As for second semester, I was pretty lucky and randomly selected pretty cool teachers. Although, the classes were difficult, the material was interesting and the professors were very approachable. I had two favorite professors. My sociology prof, professor Park. She was hilarious and very friendly. I’m sad that she’s leaving next year. Another professor I really liked was Professor Radey. Although I got the worse grade in my life in her class, I liked how she wanted us to learn. At first she came off as a meanie professor, but she ended up being really awesome and then I found out she was friends with professor Park! The thing I liked about these professors was the fact that they cared more about their students progress in learning the material than the material itself. You can always tell when an professor doesn’t care about their students.

i fell for lifehouse.....

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive 

---You and Me, Lifehouse

cast away.......

Lately, I've been trying to think of some good reasons to keep this weblog. Throughout the years I've tried to decide what the purpose of having one is and if that purpose is really a legitimate cause to keep the blog. I feel that in some cases, having a weblog does interfere with social interactions. People usually blog about things that they want to say and then when you talk to people in person you're just repeating yourself. Although, I can see how repetitiveness is also a problem with humanoid interactions.....since there's always the possibility of sharing the same stories or insights several times. But isn't that the beauty of social interactions? That you actually get to interact with people...despite the fact that you share the same story, same joke, same stuff several times people can respond to that...and maybe even say something meaningful?

Aim just doesnt cut it. Did you know that all this new computer jazz is deteriorating our attention spans? Even though you feel like you're getting to know people better, not only do you take away from the people interaction aspect of it, but your attention span becomes shorter so eventually even IF you wanted to interact with people, you wouldnt be able to because after hearing 20 seconds of what they have to say...you zone out and start counting the sheep in the sky....you simple cant listen long enough to carry a good conversation. haha..maybe im exaggerating...but you get the point.

So...without all this technology of computers and cell phones....friendships would be harder to sustain huh? I mean without cell phones...i think everyone would need an answering machine and you'd have to make appointments with friends to hang out and eat instead of simply going down the buddy list or phone contacts to IM or call everyone available to get together spur of the moment. How did we manage to have friends in middle school? How did our parents ever make friends? Would I have gotten to know you otherwise?

As a result of these innovations in technology....has friendship and social interactions become a convenience? Is that bad? If I never blogged, never chatted on aim, never used email, never had possession of a cell phone.....would I have any friends? Do our un-tech savvy grandparents have friends?

What is the missing link to all of this? Is there a balance between appreciating the convenience of technology and what it takes away from the quality of interaction with people?

finally updated spring break pictures....

spring break 2005

i want to know the reason why.........


while volunteering today, one little girl expressed a very interesting answer to the question.


teacher: okay, what is pollution

*several kids raise their hands and teacher calls on a little girl*

teacher: yes *insert name*

*insert name*: pollution is passing gas

*giggles from the volunteers*

teacher: I know that when you pass gas it smells really bad, but that is not pollution, thanks for answering.


so remember....every time you pass gas, you are not polluting the air....no matter how bad it smells.

God made dirt so dirt wont hurt.........

so think about something you really like to eat. for many, it's a bar of rich, delicious chocolate. There are times when you really want chocolate. You sit in class you think about eating chocolate, you go to CVS during their 70% off candy sale to find all the chocolate bars are gone, you want your chocolate. It's constantly on your mind and you think about all these ways to get your chocolate. But God doesnt want you to eat chocolate because it'll give you cavities. Even though you know chocolate will spoil your appetite, give you cavities, and sometimes make a mess around your mouth, you still want it. I think that within all of us is this burning desire for things that we know are bad for us. Not only that, but we also want those things that we know we can't ever have....like that 70% chocolate from the CVS sale that was all sold out. but sometimes, even though you want your chocolate, if you save your money, you can get something even better....like haribo gummy bears. it's not always about what we give up, but what we gain that really counts.

wandering down this road that we call life........

yesterday I had lunch with a cool person that made me think about a lot of things that are important to me in my life. By talking to her, I was able to digest some of the thoughts that have provoked my mind as a result of the courses I've taken. This past semester I've been learning to form my own opinions about controversial worldly matters as well as issues on faith and servanthood. Through the influence of my classes and people that I've talked to I've been building a passion for things that I use to never care so much about. The greatest impact in my life this year would be the classes that I've taken.

When I first came to college, I knew that God wanted me to focus on my academics for a reason. I figured it was probably because God has given me intellect that I hadn't fully utilized in the past so now was the chance to redeem myself. Contrary to my thinking, the classes I've taken have challenged my faith as well as changed my view of the world and has made me more sensative to issues I've often overlooked.

I often think about what I can offer to the social work profession. All of the students in social work seem to have some kind of life experience to offer. They've either been in the face of oppression or really suffered through some traumatizing childhood times. God's goodness in my life has been so undeserving and although that is a good thing, I'm often left with a feeling of inadequacy when it comes to pursuing the social work profession. I love people but is that enough?
Despite my doubts, I love how social work has kind of reconfigured my mind. The relationship that I have with my major works in conjuction to my relationship with God. Social work is an area that fights for justice and God has a heart for justice. In that sense, I feel that justice is a link between the social work profession and God's character.

If I say that I've gained nothing from all the toil and seemingly pointless school work I've engaged myself in this first year of college, it would be a lie. After yesterday, I've come to see that I have a moral responsibility to my future social work career, to the future populations I will serve, and to the clients I'll encounter. That moral responsibility starts now-- with my academics. Working hard in school and striving to learn all that college has to offer proves to my profession that I've put forth efforts to get where I will be when I'm a professional. If I'm going to be a social worker, shouldn't I strive to be the best one that I can be? God is providing the resources right now for me to best serve Him and his creation both as a student and later in life.

In a nutshell....I had a really empowering lunch yesterday =)

a cool prayer.....

got this in a email and it really exemplified the things in my heart and maybe it will speak to you too.

I kneel in Your presence Lord knowing that You are my creator, Father and protector.

I give thanks for the gifts of Your Son and Holy Spirit whom are always there for me with their love, trust, guidance, patience and forgiveness.

I give thanks for all that I have and all that You have given
me, especially your love and the many earthly gifts and blessings you have bestowed upon me.

I pray especially for my family and friendships.

I thank you also for my spiritual gifts and talents and for the opportunity You have given me to use them.

I am grateful for Your peace and for the places You have provided for me to be myself. I pray that You will help others come to know Your peace and grace.

I ask for Your help with all the things that keep me from being all that I should.

Please help me to be more patient and allow me to keep the right attitude.

Please give me strength I need to control my temper and to be more tolerant of others.

Please stay with me Lord and help me to grow in faith and trust you more and the world less.

Please show me how to balance my time better and be less selfish.

Please be with me and help me to take the opportunities to serve others.

I ask for Your forgiveness for my offenses, especially for those times when I mistreat my family, betray a confidence, am dishonest, impatient or judgmental.

I confess thatI don't always put enough trust in You and find myself led astray by the physical world and I am truly sorry.

These prayers and petitions I asked in the name of Your son, Jesus, my Savior. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Amen

lately I feel like God has really been speaking to me through song. so im gonna share this song with you although I've posted it before. I think it's a song that we can all relate to. We don't know what is going to happen but we have been witnesses as well as read what God has done in the past and we know the character of God and what he's all about. We may not know the future, but we know who holds the future.


You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdom

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Oh, Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come

Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Lord I Don't Know........Newsboys

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.......Isaiah 53: 5-6

Sometimes I feel like Easter is like watching tragedies in the news. I remember in hotel Rwanda the main character was so excited when he found out the reporters were going to put the conditions of Rwanda in the news because he thought people would do something to help the genocide. To his dismay the reporter said that yea, people watching this news would think that what was happening in Rwanda was terrible and tragic, but that would be just it. They would think that it was a horrible thing and then move on. Similarly, Easter, we remember Christ, we remember his death and resurrection, and we remember that his blood was shed for us, we remember God's loving sacrifice... but that's just it. We remember, we know what happened, but what will we do with what we know? What can we do with Christ's death and resurrection? Will we live out what we know? Will we show others what it means?

Jesus' death is something amazing. It shook the Earth and took away the sins of everyone....forever

dead bolt.....

bloggerers get the shaft. no one likes blogger anymore. it's become the grandparent of weblogs. there's a saying in canton "sun see hang." literally translated it means new poop gutter. that's how I view xanga. most people always tend to like the new stuff...history never seems to change that. my, the challenges of remaining faithful to blogger. i find it amazing that people comment on my xanga which I do not update...commenting.....expecting me to update. shame on you.

spring break has been amazing. aside from the heat rash and allergy attack everything has been good.

The upperclassmen were right. They're right a lot of the time. They were all wise and didn't bring home any books. I tell myself that I'll do my work (I honestly think about doing work) and even if I just stare at my books, at least I have the option of opening them up... I believe that's what really counts! haha...true words of a freshman huh? One day I will be liberated from the bondage of my textbooks....and not bring them home with me on breaks. someday.....someday.

man....why is korean food so good? we went out to eat korean food tonight and i ate like my family hasn't fed me since i was born. My sister had sucha good time eating that she threw up all over the table. we had so much food on the table it was nuts. I dont think I'll ever eat again.....well until breakfast tomorrow. gosh I love to eat. I wish God made me with a bottomless stomach....so I could just eat and eat and eat and eat.

currently my mood is: Nothing Without You (Bebo Norman). The song pretty much sums it up.

live it up t-minus 2 days of break remaining.

Bebo Norman - Nothing Without You
From the album Try

Take these hands and lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

Take my voice and pour it out
Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

Chorus:
All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
That I have nothing without You

Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
But I love You With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And all the strength I can find

All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
I have nothing

Take my time here on earth
And let it glorify all that You are worth
For I am nothing, I am nothing, I am nothing without You

where to next........


SPRING BREAK! the wildest time of the year.......in south padre

After a long week I am home. Along the way I've encountered some interesting things. I was studying in the piano lounge monday and I ran into this guy that was playing Coldplay pieces on the piano. About an hour of struggling through the pieces (by no means played poorly) he asked me to sing to one of the songs so he could make sure he was playing it right. Since we were the only two in the lounge it was kinda weird, but somehow it sounded like a good alternative to five hours of staring at my course packet. This act was probably the most far out thing I've done in a really long time. It was fun. I must say that singing is therapeutic. maybe that's why people sing in the shower.
Then the both of us go back to studying and this other guy walks into the lounge and he starts blarring classical music really loud with those monster head phones on. Then the coldplay guy goes back to the piano and plays a different song. The monster head phone guy goes up to coldplay guy and asks him how long he's been playing. Coldply guy responds that he has only been playing for TWO WEEKS! this guy was seriously amazing to have been playing for two weeks...but apparently he said his choir background did him some good with the quick self-taught piano skills. simply amazing.

Thursday was the best day ever. All my homework done. Prof Shorkey wasnt there but Prof Grant (whom I've heard many great things about) came to speak in our sw312 class. I think it was meant to be motivational or something...because she totally got me motivated. I think after her whole speech/ lesson, what have you, I was totally excited about going to my sw313 research class. If you've asked me about research class before, I can tell you that it's not that exciting. But as a result of prof Grant I can honestly say I have a deeper appreciation for that area of social work. I'd always known that research is a field essential to social work in order that you can better serve your clients' needs, or just to see if therapy is effective....but I dont feel I learn much from the class. But as I always say, it's a matter of perspective. I'm glad she come to my class and shared sucha firey passion for social work, definitely every little freshmans' encouragement to dig dipper into the field, to be challenged, and to see what we'll be up against.

This week has seriously taken a toll on my old age. I think it's time to just sit back relax and sleep without an alarm to wake me up. party hardy over break? you know it...me and my textbooks kicking it back.

anywhere but here........

some people think deep thoughts before they sleep. some people think deep thoughts when they shower. some people think deeps thoughts when they take a poo. where do you think deep thoughts?


ny job here is done....now i must study.

Cry in My Heart
-Starfield

artist note: "Honesty is all God wants from us. More than our attention, more than our money, more than our time...God is looking for honest responses to the challenges of scripture and the still small voice that reverberates within everyone that knows him. Cry in my heart is my attempt to be honest...truly honest...It's a simple prayer from the heart of a God chaser that struggles with unbelief and doubt...That wants substance, depth and clarity...that has seen and tasted great things – yet still yearns for more...for lasting...for real."

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head

running on 36 hours......

watched the movie Ray tonight. Enjoyable, but long. There's something about African American culture that intrigues me. There's something inspirational about the music, about the history, and about the people. Thinkng about African American culture reminds me of the past and how they are an example of hard-hit racism in the U.S. That thought always reminds me that racism isn't over. The fight isn't won. All around me, I hear the remarks and the jokes. I'm guilty of them too. We have become desensitized to the derogatory racist remarks and jesting. A speaker came to one of my classes once and they said that when you don't think something is right, dont encourage it, speak up against it. Will you stop your friend the next time they say something offensive about a group of people?

Man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time.
- Chinese Proverb

So now I will tell you the story of my life. Last night I went to sleep the same time I would have gotten up in the morning for school in 9th grade to catch a bus. After casually strolling to class, I arrived at my glorious seat in "class that I can never remember the name of." Listened to several geneology presentations, as well as my professor going off on his soap box for 50 minutes(like every other tuesday and thursday), at the same time studying for the next class. Despite my complete lack of energy, I manage to complete my 50 question test with time to spare and retreat to my room. After a good 50 minutes, I trekked up that wicked hill to GAR. Many thoughts plowed through my head as we discussed "Rabbit in the Moon" but my apathy left me with no remarks and my professors assumption that I "had not viewed the movie," a flaw in the discussion system. Brain dead, I made my jolly way back to Jester and decided it would be wise to treat myself to a nice hot cappuccino, acknowledging that no immedate results come from caffeine consumption. Returning to my room, I immediately plopped into my bed, but no deep slumber came. The cappuccino had worked....and I couldn't fall asleep. The good news? I watched Full House =) haha...did you think I would be sharing something juicy about my life? Having Justine as my roomie is about as juicy as it gets. hehe....*slaps knee*

that's all folks.

life as a sigh........

It's nice to do some writing that gives me a degree of freedom. I've finally been liberated from my five page paper that I stupidly thought was single spaced. Doh. But praise God that it was double spaced or I would have injured myself writing it.

Yesterday, as I was catching up with reading for sociology, I finally read about the 6 degrees of connection. Apparently, something like every sixth person you know allows you to be connected to the rest of the world. I'm always saying that "we're all connected." Now my studies have confirmed this assertion. Just the other weekend, I was talking to someone about who they live with in their appartment and they told me it was their cousin whom I didnt know. The next day I get into the car of this new person that I met from my volunteer place and that was the cousin. talk about small world. Then a while after that, I'm eating at tap house with some of the cool older gals and we run into Toral ....and it turns out that Ruth is her neighbor...who would have thought? So remember everyone is only six degrees from knowing the world =)

I need a professional massage therapist. Ever wake up with a tight neck and back? Yeah...I miss how Isabel use to walk all over my back when she was a baby. I think she's a little too big for that now. She wrote me a letter to tell me she loves me and that she likes it when I bring subway sandwiches to her when I'm home for the holidays. You know, I love being the older sister. Big sisters totally rock.

Remember.......

"For God so loVed the world,

That He gAve

His onLy

BegottEn

SoN

That whosever

Believeth In Him

Should Not perish,

But have Everlasting life."

John 3:16

coincidence? I think not =)

eye of the beholder......

funny how i was naive enough to believe I'd get anything done in this relaxation haven know as my house. Besides all the new years hustle and bust (for those of you who didn't know, chinese new years is actually 15 days long) I haven't really been doing anything productive. I've been taking advantage of wireless internet (which I have back in my room in Austin also). I walk around the house attempting to write a paper on some Asian American topic only to realize that I no longer remember how to write a thesis. How was it I was once able to conjure up a thesis in the time span of one class period? I sit in my living room staring at my computer monitor dumb-founded, unable to make any progress on my paper. sad sad sad....oh what have I become?

I must say that being home in the presence of my family (and chinese food) definitely makes up for my lack of productivity, not to say that such behavior is excused. Whenever I'm at home I always fall asleep without ever remembering I did so. I woke up this morning at around 8 still dressed in the previous days clothing. I recall that occurring quite frequently in high school. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that the home is no longer a place that I can do work in. Coming home is a luxury time of relaxation. Though it is probably in vain that I'm going to attempt to write my paper (after a cat nap...which might last up to 4 hours) it's hardly any trouble to at least try. Afterall, I can't really put my finger on what else there is to do right now, but I know that in this place, I can undoubtedly find something. And the fact that Sunday is the sabbath doesnt really help...after 6 days of toiling after school....I need a nice long break right?

To those of you studious people out there cheers.

i wanna scream at the top of my lungs.......

so lately I've had a lack of inspiration to write for reasons I have yet to discover. A possible answer to this mystery is that I've been watching too much tv. Full House has captured my full attention. It's such a lighthearted show, definitely contrary to the drama of the popular shows today (watched one tree hill tonight....*sigh* ....such a good show gone sour). In some ways, watching Full House is therapeutic for me. After a long day of class, I come back to my room and just lounge arounge, sprawled blobbishly on my bed, switch on the idiot box, and participate in a mindless activity. It is that one hour of tv a day that I cheerish. Ohh...and I watched so much tv today that I even caught Usher on entertainment tv. He's a funny guy...hope to see him in person one of these days....though that may never happen..... the cd will have to suffice for now.

I had a God moment a while back. Actually it was the time of my last post. After my introspection about what it means to be called by God, I prayed and flipped open my devotional and Bible. In my mind I half expected to receive an answer from God that night. To my surprise, that was precisely what happened. The title of my devotion that night was "The Compelling Force of the Call." It's the little incidents like these that refresh my questioning mind. Whenever my heart is heavy I know the Father has answers for me. I also received some emails which I've posted on the "you've got mail" link over to the right. If I dont post here, I most likely post at that site.

I'm tired and about to go to the dean to ask for a vacation, but duty calls and reading is an endless cycle of life currently...it's funny how God answers prayers....I asked to read more and now the reading just wont go away...so now I must go attend to life =)

when the going gets tough the tough gets going.......

so my wonderful roomie and I were having a very interesting conversation and we came across an interesting question.

What does it mean to say "God is calling me to do such and such?" Some people hear God's voice and that seems like the literal definition of being "called," but what about the other people who don't hear his voice audibly? I feel like I've tossed that term in the air quite a bit, and while I'm convicted that I receive callings to do things, what does that really mean? Somehow, it seems like a phrase used to describe this unexplainable emotion or feeling which leads to a conviction or determination to execute some action.

Like Justine said to me, learning what it means to be called by God is a life-long process that we'll discover. I doubt there's a right answer for that. Afterall, God does speak to us in different ways under different circumstances. We just have to listen and obey.

AACM Talent Show
Sunday, Jan. 30th, 2005
8:00pm Union Ballroom
Art show in the Quadrangle Room 7:00pm

Benefiting International Justice Mission

on the way down.......

Today in my intro to Asian American studies class we had a heated discussion about "Tsunami Song." If you haven't heard any news about it, check out this article.

Tsunami song article

I dont exactly recall all that we talked about because my classmates were quite emotionally involved in their opinions, which resulted in a very circular converstaion. However, I must say that it was a very interesting and enlightening debate to listen to.

Something I found interesting that someone asked was how far can people go with "freedom of speech"? Most people think that that is a right purposefully granted by the Constitution, but where do you draw the line for possibly offensive comments?

Currently a student coalition on campus is writing a petition against the radio station that aired the song. Do you think that by writing a petition people are making the radio station the enemy? Is the radio station really the enemy?

Sometimes I find it a tragedy that racism is still apparent even in this century. I feel like we're not nearly aware enough of the opinions around us. It's a prized commodity to be complacent and unaware, leading that blissful existance of childhood. Unfortunately, as time goes on, the harsh realities of life kinda get tossed painfully into our faces. *throws hands up in the air* why cant we all just get along?

"I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." John 16:33

"If Hitler Asked You to Electrocute a Stranger, would you? Prabably".....

That is the title of the article I just finished reading for my sociology class (by Philip Meyer). It was interesting and reminded me of when I learned about Stanley Milgram in psychology. I believe I'm totally entranced by the human psyche and the perplexity of our mind. The thing I like about psychology is learning about the explanation for things that happen or weird quirks that humans have. If you've never heard of Stanley Milgram, I highly recommend reading about his experiments on obedience or just looking up the article I headed for this entry, I guarantee you'll be englightened. Sad to say, I regret selling my psychology book, now I'll never know if I would have read that textbook for fun.

I have this theory about horoscopes. It's highly possible that someone out there has written ariticles about such things, but I was just having some random thoughts a while back pertaining to this topic. I was talking to someone a while back and we came across the topic of horoscopes. The question arose as to why God would create horoscopes if there wasn't an imp of truth to them? I mean sometimes the things that they write in seventeen magazine seem so correct and the predictions are so accurrate right?

One day in psychology, during one of my prof's infamous class demonstrations, he called on a chinese gal to be his experimentee of choice. He told our class that he could read someone's "type" by just looking at them. My professor started "reading" the girl and he said something about how she came from a family who wanted to her to succeed in life, they wanted to her have a prestigious job in the future, work hard, get good grades, and yada yada. After everything had been said and done, he asked the girl if the stuff he'd said was correct. Slightly surprised, the girl nodded her head and proceeded to return to her seat. When she had returned to her seat, my prof admitted to not actually being able to "read" people, in actuality he was making generalizations about 80%+ of the population of all people. So if my prof had 100 students in his class, 80 of them would probably have nodded their head just like the girl had.

I think horoscopes are just like that. They make 12 or so generalizations that apply to the majority of the population and cause people to believe that there is some truth to them. I think they also tend to pose ideas for you to fulfill the horoscope to further ones belief in them. Magazines can write anything and the chances of that prediction applying to such a large population is pretty high and then will that girl or guy go on believing that horoscopes are reliable and accurate?

well that was my random entry for the week. Hope you have a wonderful week, stay warm, and enjoy the great outdoors!

where did all the cows go..........

this semester has started off pretty well. I would say that my schedule is totally kick booty and I'm more than thankful for that. Although all my classes seem like they'll be very labor intensive, I'm looking foward to learning new and interesting, thought provoking things. However, I have found that some of my inter-human relationships have changed. Instead of the good quality communication I've once experienced, a common tendency now is for people to tell me to just read their xangas/ blogs/ whatever you name it. It saddens me already that talking on aim...and using JUST words in itself isn't real 100% conversation, but it deeply cuts my heart when time and time again, communication ceases at the phrase, "just go read my xanga to find out." I have mixed feelings about online journals. What purpose are they suppose to serve again?

On the topic of serve...Lately, I've been thinking about how we serve God and how we really know what he's called us to. Sometimes it's hard to discern whether you're being called to do something because you want to do it, or if it's truly the place you've been led to. It's nice when the things you're called to do are also the things you like to do, but what about when what God wants you to do is the complete opposite of what you'd hoped for?

Our lives are an act of worship to God. The service we offer in our lives is what we bring to our relationship with God. When serving becomes a natural part of our lives, we'll be able to better distinguish God's voice. I think it's the ultimate service to God when we can geniunely serve with absolute love for him because we come to understand a little more of the nature of God. Maybe it's when we serve out of love that we can truly see what God's calling for our lives is.

I have my doubts about the road I walk, but I know that if I listen to God, hide my heart in His, I'm gonna be headed right where he wants me to be.

happy new years........

my lack of blogging is a devastation to myself. Therefore I shall leave you with this: winter break photos have been updated on imagestation....so click the new pic link

Justine's universal username: alwaysguest
Justine's universal password: 123456

hope your first day of class was off the hook. \m/

you will always be my boo.....

so according to my cousin's email...I officially have hearing problems. If you've been around me during my deaf moments...you know that I'm utterly hearing impared. I guess now it's official. And the saddest part is I don't really listen to loud music or talk on the phone too much *sigh* So if you wanna check how the world and its noise has affected your hearing, check this link out. Hope your results weren't half as disappointing as mine.

are you going deaf?

riding my bike in the winter........


on such a friday, some of the fish ventured on a road trip to ..dun dun dun....Clear Lake

point of grace........

yet another year gone by and another day to live. Might be cutting those days short by being up so late.

nothing beats the second day of the year reflection. Although according to tradition, I'm a day ahead of myself. Usually, Jan 3rd is the designated day to resolute and reflect, but I thought maybe I'd change things up a bit in 2005, just for excitement.

This time last year, I was just about finished with the whole college app process. In retrospect, I'm still thankful that's over. through that gruesome period in my life, I've realized that it's possible to not over-procrastinate. It was good discipline practiced before the college days, when the work that needs to be done is seemingly more important than the hs years. With all the college business said and done, second semester was still a whirlwind of it's own. It was a downward spiral in many aspects of my life. One bad thing happened after another, probably as a result of putting my time with God on the shelf. Sometimes I think, the less God is a part of your life, the more he'll do to try to make you acknowledge that He needs to be. It's easy to think that God's far away in burdened times, but then I think about the poem Footprints. In those moments where we experience the low points, it's then that He carries us. I think, we struggle because sometimes that's what we need to acknowledge the fact that God is near. Despite that single flaw of second semester, I've loved too many moments of this past year to count. I think the best thing about this year was how my family and I began to deepen our understanding of what it means to value our familyship. The older you get, the less time you have to spend with your family. Reason being, the more years you have behind you, the more people you know, the more engagements you have, the more obligations you have to fulfill, the more stuff you have to do that pushes family back behind it all. That is one reason why I love being home, and even if my family isnt hanging out together, their mere presence is refreshing. Everything happens for the good of those who love Him, and life wouldnt be life without the ups and downs. In a nutshell, it was an edifying year.

Thinking about resolution of last year. I was smart, and only had one. Did I keep it? I think it was more of something I learned versus something to change. The resolution was freeing my heart, theme of last years winter getaway. I think the resolution turned out to be more of a freeing of the mind. This past year has brought many insightful moments across my path. Many people, as well as experiences have changed the mold of my thinking, and overall expansion of my mind. As for freeing my heart, I know that that is a constant process in itself. There are so many things that we love in the world, that bind us like prisoners; and the freedom from them lessens as we grow into the heart of God. I hope to continue that process, daily freeing my heart from the ways of the world, so that I can live for something greater.

So what am I resolute about this year? Pretty high on the list is to find joy in the gifts that God gives me. When it comes down to it, not every gift that God gives us is hinky dory. There are those qualities about you, characteristics of your life, all gifts from God, which you wish you sometimes didn't have to be blessfully burdened with. In all that He has given me and made me to be, I want to find joy. Oh, and another very important resolution is to read more. I've made some progress in that area. I've already finished reading one book over break. Despite the fact that it was A Wrinkle In Time, I must say that the book won a newbery honor, and it was worth every minute I spent reading it =) I also urge you all to enlighten yourselves to at least one good book this year.... is that too much to ask?

2004 passed with memories to last a lifetime.... make 2005 count...have a good one.

mary's cow.....

so we're eating at Maggiano's and J-E asks me if Mary Had A Little Lamb had something to do with Jesus....and as we dissected that song.....it rang a little Jesus music in our ears.

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb (Mary, mother of Jesus had a little lamb, the lamb of God who was to be slain for all our transgressions) (x2)

Marry had a little lamb it's fleece was white as snow (white, the color of purity, Jesus, God's son -- the sinless)

Everywhere that Mary went the Lamb was sure to go (Jesus was always with her just like he's always with us.)

that's pretty cool how a simple children's song can have such divine implications when you read the lines in another light.

and that ladies and gentlemen, concludes my blogging for the rest of the year. Merry belated Christmas and a happy New Year to all....and to all a good night. =)

a wrinkle in time......

ode to a wonderful semester. Here are just SOME of the fond memories I've made. A picture's worth a thousand words no?

In the beginning there was EKG...awesome girls....awesome small group.



Good thing the number of students in the school of social work is small...hopefully I'll be seeing more of my wonderful fig gals.



hidey hoedown...danced the night away



Homedawg Coming 2004


one more time....run *clap clap* dive *clap clap* DuuuCk TAAaape....


fish pond at AACM retreat =)



A taste of the sweetness in Sugar Land during Thanksgiving leftover feast at Pecan park.



celebration of old age



SB SG at the Hula Hut....last reunion before the break



pleasant visits from our SA pals =)


HEB pies are mighty tasty.....=D



each moment a blessing, thank God for yet another day to live. May all your days be merry and bright....and hopefully your Christmases will be white....

really Hot or really Not?

In light of the holiday season here is the picture of the day.... when Sam and Lawrence were on their hot date. (Lawrence was voted: most likely to date Sam....so here we have it folks)



hope your holidays are merry...and remember to vote: really hot or really not?

stop fishing.......

Photographs are often images of the most memorable, fond moments in life (that is unless you are my parents, who thoroughly enjoy the agony of their crying child and take pictures as momentos for future humiliation and shame =)). A blog is sorta like that sometimes. People take those moments that are most memorable and write them out so they can share it as an image to others the joy that they experience. obviously, if it's happy business, you cant hold it in right? However, blogs also have the opposing function of photos, they instead capture what you don't see in the pictures. Funny how people can be so open when typing versus verbal vulnerability in person. Is there some psychology to go with that?

sour patch kids and swedish fish are up there on the candy chain.

randomness is a state of mind?

quote of the day: "If you can carry a good conversation, I'll do my best to entertain you."

The winter break is one week gone, are you still alive?

red fish blue fish one fish two fish.......

I finally watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. everyone has those events in their lives that they wish to erase. what if it was possible to take from your memory that person or those things that you wish to forget? initially thinking, it's logical to conclude that our lives would be better of if there really was an institute that could give you a clean slate from those memories. But instead would we, like Jim Carey in the movie, wish to keep the suddenly fading retrospections? Isn't it true that most of the time there are fond memories to counterbalance the painful ones? Why do we usually come out of the picture with only the painful ones that only time will heal? I thoroughly enjoyed that movie, you should go watch it if you have not =)

This past week was movie madness for my cousin and I. We also watched Cold Mountain. It's tedious in the middle (cousin started snoring), but worth staying awake for the end. In a nutshell, it's about a story of how love at first sight can change your life.... or make you risk it.... as well as how emotionally scaring war can be for everyone... and how sad it was that our great nation was once divided. Yet another movie I recommend watching....but then again...i like lots of movies.

Dodgeball was another story. It was somewhat funny, entertaining....but not my favorite movie. I must say that I would rather wisely invest my time watching David Zoolander than White Goodman anyday. I'm not sure if I'd recommend this movie...view at your own discretion...or if you just like that kind of humor....which i tend not to appreciate so much.

I'm still at a loss for words that my first semester as a big Fish is over. Not only do I not feel older (rather the opposite), but the fact that some of my childhood buds are graduating in less than a semester is wild. It's a strange thought that the little kids I use to play handball with outside my garage door is going to grad school. Not to mention my cousin is graduating soon too. Tonight, we were looking through old childhood pictures and we found one of when she was five and i was three....shoot we look exactly the same, just the proportions are little blown up now. Is time suppose to pass by more quickly when you're in college? I hear you seem to feel like you age more quickly too. Good thing this past semester has made me feel more youthful, I bet it's cuz Juice is sucha kid and it's rubbin off on me =P Besides that this semester has been great. Sure it's had it's ups and downs, but definitely life changing in a positive way. Reflecting on this past semester, I know one thing for sure....drawing close to God is your problem free philosophy =)

enjoy break and dont fret too much about the little things....there are bigger problems in the world besides yourself.

black knight........

soo i went to pick up my cousin today. And it was totally cool, cuz she looks the same as she did the last time I saw her (which was when I was 5 and she was 7). I find that with all my family members, no matter how long we haven't seen each other (or even if we've never seen each other before) we click pretty well, and it always seems like we've been friends for a long time. There's something about having blood relations that automatically allows you to be stupid and ridiculous with them. However, I think my cousin and I are about three times removed, but distantly related in some distant cousin kind of way.

Not that I take things as signs, but I thought something was strange today. In the course of about 6 to 7 hours, three different people, on three different occassions, said "good life". They either said, "we live a good life" "you live a good life" or "I live a good life". I didn't think that saying "good life" was so common. So then I thought about the concept of "good life." The more I think about it, the more "good" I feel like my life currently is. However, that is always a scary thought. Everytime things are going well in my life, I get hit by rocks (not literally, more in a metaphoric kind of sense). Things either start turning for the worse, or I come to some uncanny revelation about my life. Nevertheless, amidst all the problems, life is always still good. It's all in perspective. I have more than I could ever ask for or imagine. Good life.... what does that really mean?

FREEDOM!

i like the option of bumming around. sooo home sweeeet home. Home is where the family is. It's weird coming home and my room is a mess; even though I cleaned it before I left after thanxgiving. I will be venturing early in the morning to pick up my cousin that I have not seen since I was 5. We use to be really good friends cuz we have all these pictures together in photo albums....i wonder how I'm suppose to recognize her when I pick her up......

have a nice day =)

cuz it's all in my head replaying over and over again.........

if the time i invested in reading web logs was used for studying or reading the books i planned to finish this semester, I'd probably be really book smart. If you know me, you know I like to spit out random facts of the day ever so often. I like to learn, what can I say? However, I do think that the time invested in reading blogs is worth it. In many respects it's nice to know what other people think about particular things, and understand a little of how you think about the same subject. It's enjoyable to keep up with peoples' lives that you dont get to see often, especially when many people like to share about what has been happening to them. (just to let you in on a little secret, according to the books that I read....Heart of Darkness...*cough* cough* people enjoy reading about the lives of other people.....quacky the impact that horrible book has on me) In fact, it's even nice to know what's going on in peoples' lives that you see all the time. There's never enough hours in the day to express all the stuff that happens in ones life...and that somehow gets expressed through these web journal dealios.

Have you ever heard of the Melancholy Music Syndrome? Perhaps you have not, or you may unknowingly suffer from it. People who suffer from this syndrome often listen to sappy, sad, sentimental, hopeless-romantic, boys singing about girls, breaking up stuff, and other such like music, at the wee hours of the morning, when your brain is just blazing with thoughts. Soon the music (or just all of life's wrongs) conjures up some strong (often somewhat bitter) feelings about your life, people you see in your life, or life in general and you just dont feel like expressing those emotions to the "n" number of people you happen to be talking online with at the very moment; because none of them seem to be a worthy enough friend (or no one seems like a real friend) to share such intense feelings with....so the solution? Blogging of course. Sound familiar? Maybe it's just my imagination and no one can really relate to this imaginary, somewhat ludicrous disease. It's that emotion that stirs up when you're surrounded by a ton of people, yet you can be so alone in the world. When I read about the lives of people that fit this diagnosis, I feel helpless and pray hopefully that somehow they can see that all they need is the same Jesus that completes me. Of course....all things.....always easier said than done....and Im a pretty simple-minded person.....

yet it amazes me....that God wants to care for our problems. He wants us to lay down our burdens, our bitterness, and our pain....into His hands. There is Someone in the world who wants us to live at peace...who wants us to feel like there is something, there is someone, worth living for.....and by george He wants us to feel like there is Someone in this world that cares. People say that God isn't real, isn't there because we cant feel him, we can't see him. But family and friends (ate least those that actually love and care about us even though we may not think so) are tangible evidence of God's character....his love...encouragement... patience....and caring nature. Unbelievable right? I'm not saying that your friends and family are God...no....just a taste....a tiny morsel to savor...of what God is like. (at least all that is good)

you have been loved and cared for at some point, and let that be hope that there is Someone out there, in this seemingly hopeless world, that loves and cares for you.....and just maybe you'll discover that to be the Jesus that completes me.


"Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:4

no one said the world is perfect.... must have been the reason why someone created the word perseverance, what would life be like if there was no such thing?

I'm rambling (and procrastinating) thanks for listening =) (I believe it's because someone cares in the world!) but you probably should be studying huh?

we can love because He first loved us....... (it's possible)

haha....that patagonia chicken sandwich is getting to me...I'm trying too hard to be uplifting when this is all a buncha jibber jabber to many.....I'm sure.

we all could use a little more Jesus music in our lives

"Each birthday that God gives us is a sign of His great love, a gift that He bestows on us-- A blessing from above."

These past 19 years (yes...I am 19....glasses wearing, hearing aid needing, memory losing old fart....so that would make all you 20 yr olds out there....what? jk!) have truly been a blessing. I feel like my birthday is always a second thanksgiving. I have so much to be grateful for, and yet I have nothing to say, or I just cant say enough to express the appreciation I have to live the life that I have been given. There's much thanks to the people, for the things, and to God that have filled the past almost two decades of my life. A huge hug to everyone who made my first day as a 19 yr old super awesome. Thanx for all the bday wishes and phone calls!

oooo never had a cookie cake...perdy cool lookin eh? (and if u look carefully...I'm only turning 17 =P)


i'm impressed


you guys totally rock =)


and now thanks to Karen...I have been reminded....


It was kinda sad not being able to share my bday with my family for the first time in my life, especially since my mom and I always celebrate our bdays together. But my dad sent me a virtual bday cake, and I got to talk to my mom on the phone to wish her a happy bday, and my sister kissed me over the phone, and I enjoyed a very amazing memory to carry with me for many many days, months, and years to come!

my one shallow christmas wish...



I swear I'm talking about Louis Koo's jacket =P (but he does look nice in it right?) As his fan...I'm sad that he's even thinking about retiring from showbiz...why that would be like Brad retiring.

butterfly kisses after bedtime prayers.......

Reflecting on my classes this past semester, I've actually enjoyed them. It's strange how after taking bio so many times, I enjoyed it the most this time around. The insanity that college brings. Every class (with the exception of social stats) seems to have been of value to me. Justine and I have this interesting habit of sharing with one another the facinating facts we learn about in class. College really is an educational experience. I just hope I can say the same about next semester. It's not so important for me to take the easy classes for the grade anymore. I'd rather work hard to learn something valuable and interesting....cuz getting good grades is just another waste of time if I've worked hard to retain nothing.

Although, I didn't enjoy social stats, it will definitely be of some value in the future once I get into the field.... afterall...i sorta know how to use SPSS now! that....is an achievement. hm...or college is turning me back to my nerdhood. Intro to social work has led me to much self discovery and in some ways deepened my ability to think for myself. Psychology, learned a lot about the human psyche and many strange techniques on how to get people to like you.....haha. Biology....a lot of environmental awareness and how wasteful we are...how our ecosystem is deteriorating and many other startling truths that are affecting the future of mankind.

I guess our loss of innonce is due to the fact that we know too much as we age. We learn all these harsh realities of life and all the flaws of humanity. Thank God there is grace in the world and hope for the future. I like to think the grass is greener on the other side, blue skies after the rain, the glass is half full.... I don't want to be those people that lose that sense of child-like creativity as I age. the morbid thoughts of an aging teen.....my bad =P Getting older is a process of gaining experience and wisdom and fond memories....and you acquire more pictures in your albums...now that is an event worth celebrating.


be afraid...be very afraid... I like country music! =)