heartache.........

I was down on Congress this past weekend and I think they were having a Mexican Independence march. It was really awesome seeing how happy people were yelling "viva mexico!" and throwing pins and holding up hook em fingers...really enjoying themselves. At the end of Congress next to the capital were a group of non-Mexican protestors holding up signs that said "go back to where you came from" "you don't belong here" "aliens" "criminals" and the list goes on. It really broke my heart to see that. I realize that such events happen daily in our nation but to actually witness it is pretty disappointing and disheartening.

That night I was reading through Romans and I came across:
"The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me." romans 15: 2b
"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity." romans 15:5

I guess incidents like these explains why Pastor Ed said that culture and ethinicity is a curse. The color of our world is beautiful...but I have reason to believe that it breaks God's heart to see his children fight.

and then there are natural disasters. What a year. Both my mom and I were named hurricanes in the same year. Let's pray Rita isn't destructive.... it's strange how close to home all the Lousiana stuff is. It can happen to anyone. Please be praying for Houston....may Katrina not repeat itself. I do wonder that if a hurricane hit...would I really think to take my Bible as the only possession I need?

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

i'm not a quaker....

i've come to a sad realization. I've realized that I cant make oatmeal. my roomie on the other hand can make a pretty mean oatmeal. so i wasn't all that hungry at lunch today and after doing a dietary analysis of what i eat, i realize i dont eat enough carbohydrates, so I was thinking to myself, "oatmeal is good!" so i followed the intructions: one cup water, 1/2 cup oats, microwave 2.5-3 minutes. when the 2.5-3 minutes was over...my oatmeal was still liquidy so i microwaved some more and then it exploded in the microwave. so i cleaned it up and started eating the oatmeal. when the bland taste of nothingness reached my tongue, I realized that I'd forgotten to add honey or Kathy's favorite splenda. usually Kathy only adds about half a pack of honey so logically, I do the same. the result? the bland taste was still there. Then I ended up adding another pack...and it still wasn't any better. Through this experience I've learned that making oatmeal is no easy task.

the fruits of labor.....


this past weekend made me feel as though I'd taken a plunge back into summer. the dread of returning to campus was a little less than the week before.
pastor gideon's dad was the speaker of the retreat I went to and surprisingly they have a very similar preaching style. I really enjoyed his message on sunday. The topic was: world view. He spoke of how many chinese christians have already expired. expiration in the sense of complacency. when things expire, like milk, they make other people sick. the expired christians can often be a source of discouragement. his sermon was one that pleaded urgency for people to reap the harvest of those thirsty for the Lord. however, he also said that sometimes the first mission trip you need to go on is with your family. if the relationship with family members is lacking, how can one be good stewards of God's message? It's a message of love, and that needs to start at home. Throughout the sermon he emphasized John 3:16 "For God so loved the world...." if you think about that, what does it really mean? of course a big part of it is how God showed his love but besides the fact that his love is unconditional and sacrificial, how is it different than all the other love we know?

sometimes the hardest thing to wonder if why a loving God lets people suffer. But I think we question that because we only look at one chapter in the bigger story, one piece of the puzzle. Faith would be in vain if we understood everything about God. we are merely man and not having the answer to the myriad of questions that cross our minds can be quite frustrating. Thank God he gives us some assurance of those unsolved mysteries in life. so once again...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
-jeremiah 29:11

you know you're not a freshman when......

the boys across the hall are loud and you call them immature
you aren't as eager to try new things
you're very content with hermitting
you dont talk about yourself as much
you cant stay up past 12am and feel alive
the new acquaintances of last year are your good friends of this year.
and the list goes on......

so i'm back for round two of college. i must admit it's more than wonderful seeing the familiar faces of old that i've missed so much this summer. and i suppose i'm not as green with envy as I'd thought i would be when i look at the freshmen. i feel like an old grandmother thinking many "back when I was a freshmen" thoughts. bittersweet for sure. I've had my opportunity to enjoy the past, now it's time to venture into the future and maturity has nothing to do with it.



"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
-jeremiah 29:11

closing time..time for you to go out to the places you will be from.......

this summer has been a summer of reality for me in terms of my relationship with my family and my relationship with others. amidst all that, I experienced what it's like to balance work and serving God. In many ways, I feel like the events of the past are God's means of preparing us for the future.

Two of the most important things I've learned this summer are that God is true to his promises and that he is an abundant provider. God promises us that he will never give us more than we can handle. He often brings us back to him through trials as well as molds us to become better witnesses through our struggles. Sometimes, God can use the hardships in our lives to impact the lives of others. It's funny, I know for myself, it's easy to have knowlege of things but knowing God's truth in my heart is a different story.

proverbs 2: 6 For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding

as this new school year approaches, it feels almost the same as it did a year ago except with less excitement. dont get me wrong, there are many things I'm looking foward to. Unfortunately, there's this strange sense of weariness towards the future, an uncertainty of the things to come, confusion about the decisions I have to make, frustrations about the choices I've made, and the changes that come with the progression of time. God is good all the time and while we are sinners, he is full of grace and faithfulness, abundant in his provisions for all the doubts in our lives.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you

through all the people I've encountered this summer, I've also learned that there is hope.

Blue Skies- Point of Grace
On days of gray
When doubt clouds my view
It's so hard to see past my fears

My strength seems to fade
And it's all I can do
To hold on, 'til the light reappears

Still, I believe though some rain's bound to fall
That you're here next to me
And you're over it all

Lord, the sky's still blue
For my hope is in you
You're my joy
You're the dream that's still alive

Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life
You're grace
You are blue skies
You're my blue skies

When nights are long
Seems the dark has no end
Still we walk on in light of the truth
For waiting beyond Where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and you're mercy anew

Oh, to believe we're alive in you're love
There is so much to see
If we keep looking up

You fill the heavens with hope and a higher love
A picture, a promise for life

we went up to a 7000ft peak today. When my family and I got up to the top after a spectacular 25 minute gondola ride, the funniest thing happened....or maybe it was one of those "you had to be there" moments.
We saw this guy and his wife walking. They're both carrying these HUGE backpacks. The man turns to his wife and says

"honey, I should have brought water."

after my mom and I busted out laughing, my mom turns to me and wonders out loud...what he was carrying in that massive backpack of his. Maybe I should have asked him.

I must have taken at least a 150 pictures of the peak, which I will post when I return...since I failed to pack a usb cord. After we spent several hours up at the peak, we went down this neat slide rollercoaster sorta deal in the kiddy section of Whistler. The weather is great, but the sun really knows how to beat down on you, so when we were playing mini golf I burned my eyelids or something. It was fun...and I realize that golf, is not my sport.

for the past day, we've been eating very simply. In fact, this evening...my family ate a combination of chinese salad (bak choy with soy sauce) and red bean patty desserts.

In a nutshell, life in the mountains is rather exciting.

indeed my dear friends and blog....it has been quite a while. I owe it to Joey to update.

Greetings from the beautiful state of washington =) August is always the best time of year to visit Seattle. I've never seen the city more breath-taking. Not to mention, Beautiful British Columbia is a name fit for yet another awe-inspiring place. Today I went to visit my dear Deeners and she took me to a park called Gasworks with the most amazing view of Lake Washington (pictures when I return). Furthermore, the skies have been so blue and cloud free that my family and I have been able to see all of the snow capped volcanic mountains along the way of our travels. If you've never seen a snow covered mountain...or a mountain for that matter...you should write that on your to-do in this lifetime list.

I must say that this vacation for my cousin's wedding is turning out to be a pleasant post job break. Yes, last week was my last week at TOL and though my last day was deeply saddening...I did leave with many fond memories of the children and staff at TOL. Working there made waking up at 8am every morning a joy. Who would have thought I could awake to a new day looking foward to work? When I enter into my professional career I hope to achieve that as well. Besides all the fun and games that come with working in a school with children, valuable lessons were learned as well. However, such lessons shall be shared at another time.

My sister has officially reached the last year of her single-digit life today and she commands me to go watch Man of the House with her because the setting is my school....therefore I go.

far away so blue......

words of 2 very cute little two year olds:

"ms. phelia, I can't stop farting."

"ms. phelia can you help me? I have a big wedgie."

to both I replied....how can I help you? for that is the nature of my work.

while singing the barney song I received hugs and kisses from one of the rowdiest of the bunch.

as disobedient as these little stinkers can be, it cannot be denied that they are adorable. i guess you just had to be there.

here on earth......

be careful what you wish for cuz...you just might get it. That has somehow come true this summer. Of course with what we ask of the Lord, we can also rest assure that he will never give us more than we can handle. Such is the reality that I've been faced with these past couple of weeks.

As for today, instead of watching the toddlers during nap time, I got to chill with the 1st graders. They can be quite the rowdy bunch but much easier to work with than the lil 2 yr old stinkers...and I mean that literally. During gym, we played basketball. Somehow the teams managed to be divided guys versus girls. Unfortunately this future basketball wonder of a gal was stuck with me, aka cant shoot if her life depended on it. It was the two of us against four minature NBA stars. The kids seemed to have their own rules for the game which I initially failed to understand. Later I realized that dribbling wasn't necessary. It was the first time that I've ever played basketball where traveling was permissible and prefered by everyone. I think I like it better that way. One thing's for sure, if the basketball game I played today reflected the ways of life...life without rules would surely be chaos.

and so they say......


"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone -- to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian, says, "No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone -- with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me -- with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me -- exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing -- one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things-- keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait. That's all.

Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have or that I've given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly.
I am God.
Believe it and be satisfied."


- Author Unknown

I went sky diving I went Rocky Mountain climbing......

So it's been said that our lives should be an act of worship. We can give our talents, our money and our time. in each of our walks we have different ways to give to God. Why do we even want to do that? Out of love, yes. With the purpose to glorify God, yes. This past weekend I've realized another reason why I've kept myself so busy this summer. We use the gifts that God has given us to serve him. We serve him because these gifts are not our own, but God's. In serving, we're only giving back what is His and telling God that we are nothing without Him.

Bebo Norman - Nothing Without You

Take these hands and lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

Take my voice and pour it out
Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

Chorus:All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
That I have nothing without You

Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see

But I love You With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And all the strength I can find

All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
I have nothing

Take my time here on earth
And let it glorify all that You are worth
For I am nothing, I am nothing, I am nothing without You

a quiet strength.....

I watched Beauty and the Beast yesterday. What a great movie. I've almost forgotten how wonderful Disney classics are. Although, I have to say...Belle's dress was pretty scandalous. When I was in kindergarten, Beauty and the Beast was my favorite movie...and I think it still is. I remember when I use to watch it...I could recite the entire movie....and I would count how many times a year I'd watch it. back in 1990 the count was 32.

Watching it now, I realize what a great message the movie presents. It connected well with the topic discussed in my sunday school class. On sunday our topic was gentleness. We talked about how gentleness means quiet strength, a means of self-control. This aspect of the fruit of the spirit was evident in the film.

Can you imagine falling in love with a beast? This movie teaches the importance of never judging one's character by outer appearance. After taking the time to get to know the Beast better, Belle's eyes were opened to his kindness and gentleness beneith the claws, teeth, and hairiness. When the town's people saw him, they assumed that he was a monster out to kidnap their children in the night. You know what they say, never judge a book by its cover.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes." 1 Peter 3:3-4

Initially the Beast was so ill tempered and everyone was telling him to "control your temper." I find that the message here is to practice speaking gentle words because words are quite powerful, whether they are harsh or gentle. When the Beast asked Belle to dinner on her first night to the castle, he was yelling stuff like "that's not a request" "then go ahead and starve." Such comments proved rude and inconsiderate causing Belle to decline the command to dinner. In this situation, things might have turned out differently.

"Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone." Proverbs 25:15

And ultimately, this movie teaches us that gentleness isn't a powerful quality only found in women. Men should pratice it too...just look at the Beast...he landed himself in the arms of the woman of his dreams.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." colossians 3:12

This past Sunday our key points on how to acquire gentleness were:
-clothes yourself with gentleness
-practice speaking gentle words
-build a relationship with God because he knows you

"I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve." Jeremiah 17:10

and now what....

so we've all heard that biblical anology of how we transition as mere infants in our faith, the milk drinker phase, to being solid food eaters (is that an anology?) What does that mean?
As stated in my reflection, this past year for me spiritually has been one of milk to solid food. I can say for myself that in the past, I took my faith as people fed it to me. I accepted the lessons in Sunday school, fellowship and even my devotionals book. Christianity was logical. I guess now, I'm really learning how to digest things ...thus enabling me to eat that solid food. When I see God actively working in my life there's always something to process...something to learn from everything that happens. And have you ever read the same Bible verse or passage more than once and it spoke to you differently? It's one of the best feelings in the world. Everytime that happens...I think...shoot the Bible IS alive... God IS real. Christianity may be illogical...but having a relationship with God is a reality for me. So when I get to heaven and God asks me...What have you done with my son Jesus? How will I respond?

I was driving to Antony's for dinner when I heard this song on the radio....made me want to own the Tarzan sound track...but at the same time, I could almost sense God telling me the same message. (I realize some parts of the song dont really tie with the whole having a relationship with God, but the parts that do....are good).

Phil Collins - You'll Be In My Heart Lyrics

Come stop your crying, it will be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here don't you cry

For one so small,you seem so strong
My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm
This bond between us can't be broken
I will be here don't you cry

cuz you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always

Why can't they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust what they can't explain
I know we're different but deep inside us
We're not that different at all

cuz you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them, cause what do they know
We need each other, to have and to hold
They'll see in time, I know

When destiny calls you, you must be strong
I may not be with you, but you gotta hold on
They'll see in time, I know
We'll show them together cuz...

You'll be in my heart
I believe, you'll be in my heart
I'll be there from this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
no matter what they say
you'll be here in my heart always
Always...

I'll be with you
I'll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I'll be there always

life in the quiet......


For everything there is a season and
...for every activity under heaven its time...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time for mourning and a time for dancing...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing...
a time for silence and a time for speech.

E. Elliot

smile like you can't hide it.....

highlights of my weekend:
-played chinese checkers with izzy
-played pick up sticks with izzy
-played badminton in the house with izzy...then later realized we were making black marks on the wall and we migrated outdoors to our very wet backyard. Then we got distracted and started playing on the swing set.
-watched Mulan and ate a bag of popcorn with izzy.
-my dad cooked lobster on saturday for our pre-father's day celebration.
-gave dad a really super awesome shirt for father's day which he scouted at church on Sunday
-family/friends dinner, quality fellowshipping and great food.
-got to see Mary, Jessica and Alex...yay for visitors =)

I'm patient right? I like to tell myself that. Until I realize how much patience it takes to play with little kids. Sure, at work I get paid to play with kids and when I'm not tired, I enjoy that sort of thing. But when I'm on the brink of exhaustion, after work, and my sister begs me to watch a movie with her, play the piano with her, sing songs with her, or play something... it takes a lot of love to get my butt off the couch. How do our mommies and daddies do it? Our days here on Earth are short and the time we have to learn to love is limited. When it comes to people you like, of course it's easy to be nice, patient and kind to them. However, when it comes to people you love closet to your heart (like family for example) the love is a little more difficult to come by. But as I grow up, I'm learning the importance of loving as the Lord loves. You hear about the reasons why we're so thankful for our moms and dads, they do this this and that that for us.... why can't we give reason for our parents to be thankful for us?

teaching SLG was great today. Last week was my first week teaching and I can't say it went perfectly. It was challenging and who would have thought that 6th grade girls could have such major ADD? But the girls are adorable and lovable but I definitely need God's wisdom and patience with them. The lesson was on peace and it spoke loudly in my life. As I taught the girls I knew that what I shared with them was real to me and I hoped that it would be real for them. I'm passionate about the peace that God gives and somehow that led the girls to be better listeners (though I must say the candy helped). It's cool the things you discover for yourself when you're placed in the position to teach others. This weeks important points were

God's peace gives...
rest
comfort
strength
confidence

got peace?

under my skin.....

everyday is an adventure at work. I always have some story to share about the kids. Today, I was supervising nap time and this one kid kept passing gas and the kids that were awake giggled. Yesterday, a little girl ate my hair tie. *sigh* the life of a kid. I like seeing how excited they get when they see their mommy or daddy arriving to pick them up. Sometimes I feel that way when I come home from Austin. My folks don't always welcome me home with a hug or kiss but there's some kind of safety and joy that comes with going home to the parents and they always seem very excited. Sometimes when I see the kids getting picked up, it's almost a glimpse of when our Father in heaven welcomes us to our eternal home.

I like how God gave us parents to parallel that relationship we have with him. I think sometimes our relationship with our parents reflects how we pursue and view God. It's been said, but I really take my parents for granted. I fail to recognize what they put up with and what they do for me. It's a humbling, shameful kind of feeling. My dad gets the worse sides of me sometimes and yet he forgives me. As I've grown older, I've learned to apologize for the ways I wrong my parents because I can't imagine how much it hurts when your child acts negatively towards you after you've given them so much. Being a parent is surely not an easy task. I am thankful beyond words for mine.

man that new BSB cd sounds like hott stuff...one day I'll get my hands on one.

the luxuries of doing nothing......

although I've had a job before, I always learn something new about working. I blame myself, but I didn't have work today. So I got sick Friday (my first day of work) and then I left early. I forgot to call in this morning to confirm that I was coming into work and so....when I got to work, I was not schedule to work and they sent me home healthy. Perhaps it was a good thing that I didnt have to work today. i actually had some other matters of business to attend to. Things always happen for a reason so they say.

I think I'll always be immature about people passing gas.

It's funny how I had energy to get up early to go run this morning, but then when the afternoon came, I crashed. I took the longest nap known to mankind. It felt great. Sometimes naps are simply needed.
I lied about cleaning my room today. I had every good intention to clean my room, but I found other means to be productive. However, this task cannot take the span of the summer to accomplish... house guests are coming and they must never see my room in such a condition. Every night I fall asleep and wonder....how do I sleep peacefully in this mess...with a couple loads of laundry sprawled on my bed? But hey that's home.

writing things out and talking about things= therapeutic.

i watch movies for fun when im home alone. Yes, I'm crazy about scary movies but as crazy as I am, I prefer watching light hearted movies when I'm alone (and if it's a Brad movie, that's just extra bonus), not to say I wouldnt watch a scary one...always up for that =) Today, I watched Needing You (hong kong romantic comedy staring Andy Lau and Sammy Cheng). After re-watching it for the who-knows-how-manyth time, I still really like it...and laugh pretty loud at the ridiculous stuff. If I had one movie to describe me, I would say that would be it... for several reasons.

continued......

15) Academically which did you think was more difficult, high school or college?

For me, first semester of college was a lot easier than high school. Second semester, everything was downhill. In all my high school years combined, I don’t think I had as many late nights as I did my second semester in college. However, I did experience what many people call stress, second semester. I never stress over things, but gosh why did school work have to be the first? Of course, I got over it and as always, stuff got accomplished. Academics are definitely not worth wasting your worries about. Know your priorities and stick to and things turn out good.

16) Have your thoughts/ opinions changed (if at all) regarding religion?

Overall, the things that I believe in have remained the same. What is this question asking me to answer?! About God or about religions? I do think that my “list of questions to ask God when I get to heaven” have increased. It’s okay to say you don’t know something….if you knew it all you’d be God!

17) Have your thoughts/ opinions changed (if at all) regarding people around you?

I think what I thought about people I knew in high school has changed. The things that they do with the newfound freedom of college was quite startling at first and a little bit unexpected. I guess the things that they engaged in were always part of their lives but actually witnessing it was another story. I’ve realized that my relationships with people at home are different when in college. Home and Austin are two completely different worlds. You’ll hang out and be friends with people at home but not at school or vice versa. I guess I have a thought or two about that.

18) Have your thoughts/opinions changed (if at all) regarding life in general?

What a profound question. Questions about life are always rather hard to answer. I think I’ve come to see the things in my life as more of an undeserved blessing. In college, I keep reminding myself that there is a purpose to life, a purpose for the things that happen. There’s a purpose for all the work we do in college and all the people we meet.

30) Name a risk you have taken (if any) and discuss its outcome.
I would say a risk I took was joining social work council and the student volunteering board. It’s always a risk when you do something you’re not completely comfortable with or engage in some activity that you don’t know people involved in. Both of those experiences were great. Initially I wanted to join these organizations to 1. become more passionate about my major, and 2. to meet more ppl. The first was accomplished but the meeting ppl task is always more difficult when both parties have different lifestyles and group of friends. Nonetheless it’s always great getting to know new ppl even if they’re different from you and I highly recommend joining at least one non-Christians oriented org cuz when you’re too submerged in Christian culture it becomes more difficult to relate to people that aren’t just like you. It’s more difficult to be an effective witness that way. Keep an open mind.

31) What is the greatest thing you have achieved?
Wow… what an unhumbling question. I would have to say the greatest thing would be the friendships that I’ve established this year. I’ve found wonderful girl friends that I can cry with and laugh with, who are not afraid to tell me what I don’t want to hear as well as friends who can laugh at and with me. Of course, I did not single handedly achieve this feat. Friends I believe are always a huge blessing from God.

32) Do you like your major? Not just because of the money you’ll make from it…do you seriously enjoy it? Why or why not?

What an honest question. Well, my major is social work. I definitely don’t think I’m in it for the money. If I was…. I’m definitely gonna be in for a huge surprise after I graduate. One thing I like about social work is how it reveals the imperfections of human nature as well as the injustices all around us. Being in social work has made me more aware of the world and how much we need God’s love. I’ve grown more sensitive to the issues that really matter. The things I’ve learned from social work, make the problems in my life seem so small. There are bigger things happening in the world than oneself.

33) What have you missed from home since you came to college?

I missed having a clean bathroom. I missed my sister. I missed having springs in my bed. I missed the at home life and people in my home. Things just seemed so much easier at home.

34) What have you not missed from home since you came to college?
Being nagged when I forget to put away cups and socks…though I know that those things are for my own good. I don’t miss Clements.

35) What is the coolest free thing you have obtained this year?
I’d have to say the sticky notes I got from the Epic people. They were useful and just the right size and I like the colors.

36) In whose dorm room was it the coolest to hang out?
Surprisingly, I don’t think I did much hanging out in other peoples’ rooms. Therefore, I would have to say that my room was the coolest cuz people finally came to visit Juice and I at the end of the year (it’s nice to know that ppl knew the basement dwellers existed). I guess I did hang out the most in my room…more than anywhere else on campus.

37) How did you like your living conditions?
W0054 was spectacular. It wasn’t the best in the world but it was manageable. Once Juice and I spiced it up a little it was the most splendid little place in all of UT. I definitely like having connecting bath cuz…I have a small bladder…therefore nature calls frequently and it’s nice to not have to search for a key to access a potty.

38) What was the coolest thing in your room?
That would have to be Justine’s alarm clock. That thing taught me Chinese!!! It was awesome.

40) What was the coolest outing that you went on?
I must say the coolest…was the surprise Juice threw me. I love surprises…and I got caked (sort of) for the first time. It’s nice being loved. Besides that I think I really liked going to Hula Hut with my small group. I like giving presents and seeing other ppl giving presents so that was a lot of fun. Man…I can actually think of several more things….

41) Which do you like better, Austin or your hometown? Why?
I like Austin’s scenery. I like Houston’s food. I like whatever town my family’s at.

42) What was the most painful realization you made?
Four years is gonna go by way too fast…. And I’m no longer a freshman.

43) What was the most surprisingly revelation you had?
Spending money is easy…it’s making money that’s the hard part. When I realized how much money I’d spent first semester, it was time to get a job.

47) Who/what about college will you miss the most during the summer?
All of the non Houstonian girls!!! On rare occasion I guess I miss the guys too? I miss being able to walk upstairs to get gummy bears at 10:50. I miss how everyone lived in such close proximity. I miss how you could get almost everywhere u needed by foot. I miss independent freedom. I miss random quality chats with my roommate.

51) What was your happiest moment?
The first time my sister called me at 8am on Sunday after I’d gone to bed three hours before. Ooh and when I got to talk to my grandma for mother’s day and realized I still had some good canton left in me.

52) What was your saddest moment?
When Jessica Sun and I mourned the loss of the Rockets

53) What was your most exciting moment?
Watching basketball in my room when the Rockets won a game but even better yet just having the girls ....and LB over=)

54) What is your favorite conversation you had this year?
I’m thankful to say that I did not just have one of them. I had too many to count and I am thankful. I had countless wonderful conversations with my small group girls, other freshman girls and my roommate. I also engaged in some quality talks with a few of the upperclassmen girls and graduated seniors. Thanks for taking me out to eat and pouring out words of wisdom!

61) What advice would you give you incoming freshmen?
In the words of an email
Happy moments? Praise God
Difficult moments? Seek God
Quiet moments? Worship God
Painful moments? Trust God
Every moment? Thank God

what makes it real.......

seattle was a great trip. It was a much delayed visit. The girls I went to visit have taught me many lessons on life. They challenge me in my faith and share with me things that are difficult to listen to as well as encouraged me to follow God more deeply and that's why I cheerish their friendship. This time around, they've reminded me that I shouldn't just take my faith as it is, and to question the reasons why I believe what I do. The faith that I have makes so much sense to me. But when you really think about it, being Christian is one of the most illogical things you can commit your life to. You believe in a God you cannot see and go against the principles the world feeds you. Why does being a Christian make so much sense to those who believe in Jesus as their savior?

My girls have also taught me to value prayer on a deeper level. Talking to them I've realized that communicating with God has brought me through the ups and downs of life. Sometimes there are too many things consuming my life that it is in prayer that I can find rest. I know God listens and that's why I pray. I also believe that prayer is that link that connects my friends and I together when we've been far apart for so many years. Despite our distance we've kept in touch and been involved in each others lives. With God as our center, our friendship has withstood the test of time. Friendships are truly a blessing from God. Without them how lonely would we feel? As I've shared with many people, some friends are in our lives for a reason, to serve a good purpose, to teach us a lesson in our lives. Other friends come into our lives for a season to show us something at a particular period in our lives. And there are those friends who come into your life to remain and bless you for a lifetime, continually teaching you something about yourself, about your faith, about life.

i stand amazed......

seattle is awesome. everything about it has been great. Yes, i know ive been here for a day. It's sooo surreal. It's been so long since I've seen my girls and it's great just being able to chill with them. It's like something out of a movie that we're all living in the same room. Here is just a brief description of what I've done today.

Woke up this morning and went to eat downstairs at UW's equivalent of JCL but a million times better. Even their sandwiches taste better! The chairs and tables and stuff were quite nice. Then we went to Bellevue Square Mall and did some roaming and shopping which was fun. Sat in Starbucks and caught up with the past two years as well as talked about future plans. Then we went to their church service. After church we went to eat at Red Robins =) I had a dreamsicle orange smoothy....and a bbq something delicious burger. *sigh* After a delightful meal the eight of us ventured to the beach and made smores. It was ridiculous but fun. The waves broke down two barriers and finally infiltrated our "bonfire." After that we took pictures of the seattle skyline for about 45 minutes. Good times good times.

And just to make u texans jealous...the weather is 70ish tshirt and jeans worn comfortably weather.....

something much delayed from Nick...i never realized I get comments. thanks all you commenters and taggers out there.

High Noon

the end is only a new beginning.....

encounters with God have inflicted both a deep sense of pain as well as feelings of everlasting joy in my life. Rec week was truly life-changing, but I'll get into that at another time when I've had a chance to digest what I've learned, what I've experiened. For now, my heart is heavy. God knows, better than anyone or anything in the world, the things I'm wrestling with in my soul. In those times that I've walked by faith, I've sought rest through prayer and I can say with deep conviction that God answers my prayers. In this past week, the moments that I've needed him the most, he has provided for me. God's provision showed itself in the form of answered prayers. When God seemed far away, he was able to draw me near by connecting my tears of sorrow with the broken heart that brought Jesus to his knees.

I don't believe that suffering is ever in vain. In suffering we make a discovery about God's character. When I doubt about God's goodness, God's faithfulness, it's often hard for me to see the purpose behind the plan. It's when I step back and take a look at myself and remember who HE is am I able to look back in my life and see the Ebenezers or the altars built in honor of God for the fulfillment of his promises.

Much like what we learned in the small group leaders track, our journey with Christ is not meant to be easy. The road to God's kingdom is narrow and takes a great deal of faith and strength to trek. When the going gets tough, we need to be assured of our calling to follow Christ. Just as Jesus' disciples so easily dropped all the possessions in their lives, can we too follow God with such obedience?

I know that God has done a good work in me. In the past I would have responded to a sense of God's absence with bitterness, hatred, and an unforgiving heart. Now, I've learned to yield those feelings to God and openly receive his comfort so that I may experience the joy that none other than our Father can give.

Psalms 23
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall
not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green
pastures,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of
righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow
of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will
follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the
LORD
forever.

but I'm still smiling........
End of Freshman year reflection survey

1) What is your most memorable moment?
I love '05 frosh. Every moment that I have gotten to hang out with you guys have been memorable. From late nights at piano lounge to those final days spent in pcl basement.... I've enjoyed it all. One moment that really sticks out this year would be the evening I came back from the Barton Creek charity night and ate an entire apple pie with Justine. I still laugh every time I think about the fact that we ate an entire pie together.... =P

2) Name people that have greatly impacted your life?
One person would be Yvonne. She was a great small group leader and friend. I liked how she really cared about what was going on with us and her sincere nature. Another person would be Justine. She's a great roommate, very peaceable and tolerant. I like how she's okay with my late night typing/studying, listening to me when I ramble about everything in the world, listening to our "songs of the moment," keeping me accountable, and being a great "family." I"m going to miss rooming with you soo much! Other people that have had a great impact in my life have been all of the senior girls that have taken the time to eat with me and get to know me. They all have wonderful qualities that I aspire to when I'm all grown up...I'll really miss having you gals around next year....but it's never goodbye....=)

3) What expectations did you have coming into college, and how have those been met?

If you know me, I never have any real expectations about almost anything. Four weeks into the school year, my small group all wrote letters to ourselves about goals, desires, and expectations of the year. I'm too lazy to go find the letter right now...for my room has been hit by a tornado of stuff. I just remember writing about things that I was wrestling with entering college and how I hoped that they would find resolve by the end of the year. I also talked about some hopes that I had for the school year. While all that I'd hoped for was accomplished, the things that I had to wrestle with, I still haven't really come to terms with. Maybe things have improved as time heals all things, but I guess I'll keep my chin up for next year.

4) What are some main things you feel God has been teaching you?

definitely patience. While doing this survey....I kept saving the draft so that it wouldn't just disappear if my computer broke down...unfortunately I didnt realize I was typing on two windows (long story) and 5 of my questions that i answered very thoroughly were deleted and now i'm very frustrated to the point of tiredness.

On a serious note. I really think that God has been teaching me to value my education. This year I've learned that I have a moral responsibility to my future profession as a social worker. If I'm going to be a good one I will have gained a lot from my education as well as tried the best. While I'm still working on that I realize that this mentality has gotten me past the bitterness I harbored about my high school academics. God's also taught me a lot in relation to friendships. In the beginning of the year he taught me that friendships are either for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. At that same time I also learned that we should have Barnabas’ in our lives, those that are our spiritual equals, Pauls'-- people who are our disciplers, and Timothy's-- those that look toward us as examples. While there are still questions that I have about friendships, I know that they will become clear with time and prayer.

5) How have you changed spiritually?

This year I feel like God has been speaking to me in different, more challenging ways. It’s not as simple to carry the cross daily and to follow God. Not that the ways of the world affect me, but overall who God is in my life has changed. College has definitely been my transition from milk to solid food.

6) How have your habits (eating, sleeping, studying, playing etc) changed?
Eating- I eat more regularly and snack less than at home but I’m ok with eating late at night.
Sleeping- In regards to this area, I sleep more in college that I did in high school although at less regular hours. One thing that hasn’t changed is that I still become dysfunctional after 12am.
Studying- I study more than I did in high school. The studying I did this past year was more effective and right before finals I finally learned how to study.
Playing- there’s more time to play in college and I like how everyone is within a 5 minute radius….it makes playing with people more accessible.
Showering- that’s one significant change. My showering hours are no longer regular but more on a feels like basis….but rest assured I feel like showering everyday…which I do.

7) What is one thing you regret/ not regret doing?
One thing I regret is not doing much hanging out in rooms. It was really fun when a buncha people came over to watch the Rockets games =) I also enjoyed bumming for a few hours in my room just chillin with Rosalie and having Karen over right before o&w. Of course I always enjoyed my hermitting time with my roomie! I also wish that my quiet times were more consistent. While I know quality is stressed over quantity, I do wish that there was more quality. I must say that every time I had a quiet time, they were quality. I was able to encounter God in some pretty amazing ways…just wish it happened more often this past school year.

I also regret now getting to know some people better. Luckily people that I want to get to know better are still around next year! As for those that I did get to know, I’m very glad I got to know you!
One thing I don’t regret is not getting enough sleep because every time I had to sleep really late not because of school work was really awesome.

8) If you could change one thing about freshman year, what would it be?
The first time I answered this question…I had a really great answer….but this time around, I’ve forgotten what it was.

I guess one thing I would change is those relationships with people that have changed. I realize that friendships at home aren’t what they are in college. I wish that both parties would have treasured the friendship equally. Instead, that didn’t really happen. While I’m saddened that I felt like sometimes people didn’t really care, and only hung out when convenient, I realize that we each have our own lives, our own friends… where’s the balance? Once again…some friendships are for a reason…some a season…and if we’re lucky, they’ll last a lifetime.

Oh…and go to visit the Greg more.


9) If you could give advice to yourself before the year began, what would have told yourself?
I would tell myself to expect the unexpected and be goal oriented. In a quiet time a few days ago, it talked about how your conscience is the highest standard you hold yourself to. I would have told myself to stick to those standards because there are many circumstances in college that will tell you to compromise those. Another thing is to be okay with people (usually your friends) who have different standards…your standards are not theirs. Everyone’s experience in college is different. If Jesus is your homeboy then this motto holds true: "love God and do whatever you want" because loving God you would do the right thing.”

10) If you could have stopped time momentarily at some time this year, what would that have been and why?
I think I could have wanted to stop time everyday that I got to be roommates with Justine or every time I laughed really hard. I’ll miss being Justine’s roommate…I was her favorite and she was mine. I guess through the course of this year, she was a great friend as well as my family away from home. I know she’ll always be a friend and family away from family but it’s hard thinking that we won’t be able to roll over on our beds at 4am and say something to each other. As for those laughing moments….I know that when I laughed those moments had to be memorable in some shape or fashion.

11) If you could have fast forwarded through a short time during the year, when would that have been and why?
All of the times the experiences of the past kept me from looking toward the beauty of the future.

12) What class, if any, has made a significant impact?
I think all of my classes have made a significant impact because in some fashion all of them have been related to each other. My 4 social work classes have enhanced my knowledge of the profession and I’ve grown to appreciate and respect what social workers do, now that I know more about them. All of my classes have made me think and shape my mind in different ways…that contribute my future as a social worker. Although I don’t have it all together with my career plans…I do question every now and then whether I will stick with this forever.

13) How often did you skip class?
I never intentionally skipped class. I got the stomach flu really bad once and missed class. I forgot how to write a bibliography once and I wasn’t watching the time and missed class. I studied really late for a test and forgot about my TA session so I set my alarm clock one hour later once. Therefore, I never skipped class because I didn’t feel like going. To some people (those fortunate few) that have had the pleasure of experiencing my nazi nature of telling you to go to class (even when you didn’t feel like it), you will know that I am a strong advocate of attending classes =) (with a few exceptions of course)

14) Did you like your professors? What professor, if any, has made an impact?
I was part of a fig first semester and I guess they give figs awesome professors. I liked all my first semester professors to some extend. Of course they all had their quirks, some more than others. As for second semester, I was pretty lucky and randomly selected pretty cool teachers. Although, the classes were difficult, the material was interesting and the professors were very approachable. I had two favorite professors. My sociology prof, professor Park. She was hilarious and very friendly. I’m sad that she’s leaving next year. Another professor I really liked was Professor Radey. Although I got the worse grade in my life in her class, I liked how she wanted us to learn. At first she came off as a meanie professor, but she ended up being really awesome and then I found out she was friends with professor Park! The thing I liked about these professors was the fact that they cared more about their students progress in learning the material than the material itself. You can always tell when an professor doesn’t care about their students.

i fell for lifehouse.....

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do nothin to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't why I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive 

---You and Me, Lifehouse

cast away.......

Lately, I've been trying to think of some good reasons to keep this weblog. Throughout the years I've tried to decide what the purpose of having one is and if that purpose is really a legitimate cause to keep the blog. I feel that in some cases, having a weblog does interfere with social interactions. People usually blog about things that they want to say and then when you talk to people in person you're just repeating yourself. Although, I can see how repetitiveness is also a problem with humanoid interactions.....since there's always the possibility of sharing the same stories or insights several times. But isn't that the beauty of social interactions? That you actually get to interact with people...despite the fact that you share the same story, same joke, same stuff several times people can respond to that...and maybe even say something meaningful?

Aim just doesnt cut it. Did you know that all this new computer jazz is deteriorating our attention spans? Even though you feel like you're getting to know people better, not only do you take away from the people interaction aspect of it, but your attention span becomes shorter so eventually even IF you wanted to interact with people, you wouldnt be able to because after hearing 20 seconds of what they have to say...you zone out and start counting the sheep in the sky....you simple cant listen long enough to carry a good conversation. haha..maybe im exaggerating...but you get the point.

So...without all this technology of computers and cell phones....friendships would be harder to sustain huh? I mean without cell phones...i think everyone would need an answering machine and you'd have to make appointments with friends to hang out and eat instead of simply going down the buddy list or phone contacts to IM or call everyone available to get together spur of the moment. How did we manage to have friends in middle school? How did our parents ever make friends? Would I have gotten to know you otherwise?

As a result of these innovations in technology....has friendship and social interactions become a convenience? Is that bad? If I never blogged, never chatted on aim, never used email, never had possession of a cell phone.....would I have any friends? Do our un-tech savvy grandparents have friends?

What is the missing link to all of this? Is there a balance between appreciating the convenience of technology and what it takes away from the quality of interaction with people?

finally updated spring break pictures....

spring break 2005

i want to know the reason why.........


while volunteering today, one little girl expressed a very interesting answer to the question.


teacher: okay, what is pollution

*several kids raise their hands and teacher calls on a little girl*

teacher: yes *insert name*

*insert name*: pollution is passing gas

*giggles from the volunteers*

teacher: I know that when you pass gas it smells really bad, but that is not pollution, thanks for answering.


so remember....every time you pass gas, you are not polluting the air....no matter how bad it smells.

God made dirt so dirt wont hurt.........

so think about something you really like to eat. for many, it's a bar of rich, delicious chocolate. There are times when you really want chocolate. You sit in class you think about eating chocolate, you go to CVS during their 70% off candy sale to find all the chocolate bars are gone, you want your chocolate. It's constantly on your mind and you think about all these ways to get your chocolate. But God doesnt want you to eat chocolate because it'll give you cavities. Even though you know chocolate will spoil your appetite, give you cavities, and sometimes make a mess around your mouth, you still want it. I think that within all of us is this burning desire for things that we know are bad for us. Not only that, but we also want those things that we know we can't ever have....like that 70% chocolate from the CVS sale that was all sold out. but sometimes, even though you want your chocolate, if you save your money, you can get something even better....like haribo gummy bears. it's not always about what we give up, but what we gain that really counts.

wandering down this road that we call life........

yesterday I had lunch with a cool person that made me think about a lot of things that are important to me in my life. By talking to her, I was able to digest some of the thoughts that have provoked my mind as a result of the courses I've taken. This past semester I've been learning to form my own opinions about controversial worldly matters as well as issues on faith and servanthood. Through the influence of my classes and people that I've talked to I've been building a passion for things that I use to never care so much about. The greatest impact in my life this year would be the classes that I've taken.

When I first came to college, I knew that God wanted me to focus on my academics for a reason. I figured it was probably because God has given me intellect that I hadn't fully utilized in the past so now was the chance to redeem myself. Contrary to my thinking, the classes I've taken have challenged my faith as well as changed my view of the world and has made me more sensative to issues I've often overlooked.

I often think about what I can offer to the social work profession. All of the students in social work seem to have some kind of life experience to offer. They've either been in the face of oppression or really suffered through some traumatizing childhood times. God's goodness in my life has been so undeserving and although that is a good thing, I'm often left with a feeling of inadequacy when it comes to pursuing the social work profession. I love people but is that enough?
Despite my doubts, I love how social work has kind of reconfigured my mind. The relationship that I have with my major works in conjuction to my relationship with God. Social work is an area that fights for justice and God has a heart for justice. In that sense, I feel that justice is a link between the social work profession and God's character.

If I say that I've gained nothing from all the toil and seemingly pointless school work I've engaged myself in this first year of college, it would be a lie. After yesterday, I've come to see that I have a moral responsibility to my future social work career, to the future populations I will serve, and to the clients I'll encounter. That moral responsibility starts now-- with my academics. Working hard in school and striving to learn all that college has to offer proves to my profession that I've put forth efforts to get where I will be when I'm a professional. If I'm going to be a social worker, shouldn't I strive to be the best one that I can be? God is providing the resources right now for me to best serve Him and his creation both as a student and later in life.

In a nutshell....I had a really empowering lunch yesterday =)

a cool prayer.....

got this in a email and it really exemplified the things in my heart and maybe it will speak to you too.

I kneel in Your presence Lord knowing that You are my creator, Father and protector.

I give thanks for the gifts of Your Son and Holy Spirit whom are always there for me with their love, trust, guidance, patience and forgiveness.

I give thanks for all that I have and all that You have given
me, especially your love and the many earthly gifts and blessings you have bestowed upon me.

I pray especially for my family and friendships.

I thank you also for my spiritual gifts and talents and for the opportunity You have given me to use them.

I am grateful for Your peace and for the places You have provided for me to be myself. I pray that You will help others come to know Your peace and grace.

I ask for Your help with all the things that keep me from being all that I should.

Please help me to be more patient and allow me to keep the right attitude.

Please give me strength I need to control my temper and to be more tolerant of others.

Please stay with me Lord and help me to grow in faith and trust you more and the world less.

Please show me how to balance my time better and be less selfish.

Please be with me and help me to take the opportunities to serve others.

I ask for Your forgiveness for my offenses, especially for those times when I mistreat my family, betray a confidence, am dishonest, impatient or judgmental.

I confess thatI don't always put enough trust in You and find myself led astray by the physical world and I am truly sorry.

These prayers and petitions I asked in the name of Your son, Jesus, my Savior. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Amen

lately I feel like God has really been speaking to me through song. so im gonna share this song with you although I've posted it before. I think it's a song that we can all relate to. We don't know what is going to happen but we have been witnesses as well as read what God has done in the past and we know the character of God and what he's all about. We may not know the future, but we know who holds the future.


You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdom

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Oh, Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come

Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Lord I Don't Know........Newsboys

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.......Isaiah 53: 5-6

Sometimes I feel like Easter is like watching tragedies in the news. I remember in hotel Rwanda the main character was so excited when he found out the reporters were going to put the conditions of Rwanda in the news because he thought people would do something to help the genocide. To his dismay the reporter said that yea, people watching this news would think that what was happening in Rwanda was terrible and tragic, but that would be just it. They would think that it was a horrible thing and then move on. Similarly, Easter, we remember Christ, we remember his death and resurrection, and we remember that his blood was shed for us, we remember God's loving sacrifice... but that's just it. We remember, we know what happened, but what will we do with what we know? What can we do with Christ's death and resurrection? Will we live out what we know? Will we show others what it means?

Jesus' death is something amazing. It shook the Earth and took away the sins of everyone....forever

dead bolt.....

bloggerers get the shaft. no one likes blogger anymore. it's become the grandparent of weblogs. there's a saying in canton "sun see hang." literally translated it means new poop gutter. that's how I view xanga. most people always tend to like the new stuff...history never seems to change that. my, the challenges of remaining faithful to blogger. i find it amazing that people comment on my xanga which I do not update...commenting.....expecting me to update. shame on you.

spring break has been amazing. aside from the heat rash and allergy attack everything has been good.

The upperclassmen were right. They're right a lot of the time. They were all wise and didn't bring home any books. I tell myself that I'll do my work (I honestly think about doing work) and even if I just stare at my books, at least I have the option of opening them up... I believe that's what really counts! haha...true words of a freshman huh? One day I will be liberated from the bondage of my textbooks....and not bring them home with me on breaks. someday.....someday.

man....why is korean food so good? we went out to eat korean food tonight and i ate like my family hasn't fed me since i was born. My sister had sucha good time eating that she threw up all over the table. we had so much food on the table it was nuts. I dont think I'll ever eat again.....well until breakfast tomorrow. gosh I love to eat. I wish God made me with a bottomless stomach....so I could just eat and eat and eat and eat.

currently my mood is: Nothing Without You (Bebo Norman). The song pretty much sums it up.

live it up t-minus 2 days of break remaining.

Bebo Norman - Nothing Without You
From the album Try

Take these hands and lift them up
For I have not the strength to praise You near enough
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

Take my voice and pour it out
Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

Chorus:
All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
That I have nothing without You

Take my body and build it up
May it be broken as an offering of love
For I have nothing, I have nothing without You

All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
But I love You With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And all the strength I can find

All my soul needs
Is all Your love to cover me
So all the world will see
I have nothing

Take my time here on earth
And let it glorify all that You are worth
For I am nothing, I am nothing, I am nothing without You

where to next........


SPRING BREAK! the wildest time of the year.......in south padre

After a long week I am home. Along the way I've encountered some interesting things. I was studying in the piano lounge monday and I ran into this guy that was playing Coldplay pieces on the piano. About an hour of struggling through the pieces (by no means played poorly) he asked me to sing to one of the songs so he could make sure he was playing it right. Since we were the only two in the lounge it was kinda weird, but somehow it sounded like a good alternative to five hours of staring at my course packet. This act was probably the most far out thing I've done in a really long time. It was fun. I must say that singing is therapeutic. maybe that's why people sing in the shower.
Then the both of us go back to studying and this other guy walks into the lounge and he starts blarring classical music really loud with those monster head phones on. Then the coldplay guy goes back to the piano and plays a different song. The monster head phone guy goes up to coldplay guy and asks him how long he's been playing. Coldply guy responds that he has only been playing for TWO WEEKS! this guy was seriously amazing to have been playing for two weeks...but apparently he said his choir background did him some good with the quick self-taught piano skills. simply amazing.

Thursday was the best day ever. All my homework done. Prof Shorkey wasnt there but Prof Grant (whom I've heard many great things about) came to speak in our sw312 class. I think it was meant to be motivational or something...because she totally got me motivated. I think after her whole speech/ lesson, what have you, I was totally excited about going to my sw313 research class. If you've asked me about research class before, I can tell you that it's not that exciting. But as a result of prof Grant I can honestly say I have a deeper appreciation for that area of social work. I'd always known that research is a field essential to social work in order that you can better serve your clients' needs, or just to see if therapy is effective....but I dont feel I learn much from the class. But as I always say, it's a matter of perspective. I'm glad she come to my class and shared sucha firey passion for social work, definitely every little freshmans' encouragement to dig dipper into the field, to be challenged, and to see what we'll be up against.

This week has seriously taken a toll on my old age. I think it's time to just sit back relax and sleep without an alarm to wake me up. party hardy over break? you know it...me and my textbooks kicking it back.

anywhere but here........

some people think deep thoughts before they sleep. some people think deep thoughts when they shower. some people think deeps thoughts when they take a poo. where do you think deep thoughts?


ny job here is done....now i must study.

Cry in My Heart
-Starfield

artist note: "Honesty is all God wants from us. More than our attention, more than our money, more than our time...God is looking for honest responses to the challenges of scripture and the still small voice that reverberates within everyone that knows him. Cry in my heart is my attempt to be honest...truly honest...It's a simple prayer from the heart of a God chaser that struggles with unbelief and doubt...That wants substance, depth and clarity...that has seen and tasted great things – yet still yearns for more...for lasting...for real."

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head

running on 36 hours......

watched the movie Ray tonight. Enjoyable, but long. There's something about African American culture that intrigues me. There's something inspirational about the music, about the history, and about the people. Thinkng about African American culture reminds me of the past and how they are an example of hard-hit racism in the U.S. That thought always reminds me that racism isn't over. The fight isn't won. All around me, I hear the remarks and the jokes. I'm guilty of them too. We have become desensitized to the derogatory racist remarks and jesting. A speaker came to one of my classes once and they said that when you don't think something is right, dont encourage it, speak up against it. Will you stop your friend the next time they say something offensive about a group of people?

Man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time.
- Chinese Proverb

So now I will tell you the story of my life. Last night I went to sleep the same time I would have gotten up in the morning for school in 9th grade to catch a bus. After casually strolling to class, I arrived at my glorious seat in "class that I can never remember the name of." Listened to several geneology presentations, as well as my professor going off on his soap box for 50 minutes(like every other tuesday and thursday), at the same time studying for the next class. Despite my complete lack of energy, I manage to complete my 50 question test with time to spare and retreat to my room. After a good 50 minutes, I trekked up that wicked hill to GAR. Many thoughts plowed through my head as we discussed "Rabbit in the Moon" but my apathy left me with no remarks and my professors assumption that I "had not viewed the movie," a flaw in the discussion system. Brain dead, I made my jolly way back to Jester and decided it would be wise to treat myself to a nice hot cappuccino, acknowledging that no immedate results come from caffeine consumption. Returning to my room, I immediately plopped into my bed, but no deep slumber came. The cappuccino had worked....and I couldn't fall asleep. The good news? I watched Full House =) haha...did you think I would be sharing something juicy about my life? Having Justine as my roomie is about as juicy as it gets. hehe....*slaps knee*

that's all folks.

life as a sigh........

It's nice to do some writing that gives me a degree of freedom. I've finally been liberated from my five page paper that I stupidly thought was single spaced. Doh. But praise God that it was double spaced or I would have injured myself writing it.

Yesterday, as I was catching up with reading for sociology, I finally read about the 6 degrees of connection. Apparently, something like every sixth person you know allows you to be connected to the rest of the world. I'm always saying that "we're all connected." Now my studies have confirmed this assertion. Just the other weekend, I was talking to someone about who they live with in their appartment and they told me it was their cousin whom I didnt know. The next day I get into the car of this new person that I met from my volunteer place and that was the cousin. talk about small world. Then a while after that, I'm eating at tap house with some of the cool older gals and we run into Toral ....and it turns out that Ruth is her neighbor...who would have thought? So remember everyone is only six degrees from knowing the world =)

I need a professional massage therapist. Ever wake up with a tight neck and back? Yeah...I miss how Isabel use to walk all over my back when she was a baby. I think she's a little too big for that now. She wrote me a letter to tell me she loves me and that she likes it when I bring subway sandwiches to her when I'm home for the holidays. You know, I love being the older sister. Big sisters totally rock.

Remember.......

"For God so loVed the world,

That He gAve

His onLy

BegottEn

SoN

That whosever

Believeth In Him

Should Not perish,

But have Everlasting life."

John 3:16

coincidence? I think not =)

eye of the beholder......

funny how i was naive enough to believe I'd get anything done in this relaxation haven know as my house. Besides all the new years hustle and bust (for those of you who didn't know, chinese new years is actually 15 days long) I haven't really been doing anything productive. I've been taking advantage of wireless internet (which I have back in my room in Austin also). I walk around the house attempting to write a paper on some Asian American topic only to realize that I no longer remember how to write a thesis. How was it I was once able to conjure up a thesis in the time span of one class period? I sit in my living room staring at my computer monitor dumb-founded, unable to make any progress on my paper. sad sad sad....oh what have I become?

I must say that being home in the presence of my family (and chinese food) definitely makes up for my lack of productivity, not to say that such behavior is excused. Whenever I'm at home I always fall asleep without ever remembering I did so. I woke up this morning at around 8 still dressed in the previous days clothing. I recall that occurring quite frequently in high school. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that the home is no longer a place that I can do work in. Coming home is a luxury time of relaxation. Though it is probably in vain that I'm going to attempt to write my paper (after a cat nap...which might last up to 4 hours) it's hardly any trouble to at least try. Afterall, I can't really put my finger on what else there is to do right now, but I know that in this place, I can undoubtedly find something. And the fact that Sunday is the sabbath doesnt really help...after 6 days of toiling after school....I need a nice long break right?

To those of you studious people out there cheers.

i wanna scream at the top of my lungs.......

so lately I've had a lack of inspiration to write for reasons I have yet to discover. A possible answer to this mystery is that I've been watching too much tv. Full House has captured my full attention. It's such a lighthearted show, definitely contrary to the drama of the popular shows today (watched one tree hill tonight....*sigh* ....such a good show gone sour). In some ways, watching Full House is therapeutic for me. After a long day of class, I come back to my room and just lounge arounge, sprawled blobbishly on my bed, switch on the idiot box, and participate in a mindless activity. It is that one hour of tv a day that I cheerish. Ohh...and I watched so much tv today that I even caught Usher on entertainment tv. He's a funny guy...hope to see him in person one of these days....though that may never happen..... the cd will have to suffice for now.

I had a God moment a while back. Actually it was the time of my last post. After my introspection about what it means to be called by God, I prayed and flipped open my devotional and Bible. In my mind I half expected to receive an answer from God that night. To my surprise, that was precisely what happened. The title of my devotion that night was "The Compelling Force of the Call." It's the little incidents like these that refresh my questioning mind. Whenever my heart is heavy I know the Father has answers for me. I also received some emails which I've posted on the "you've got mail" link over to the right. If I dont post here, I most likely post at that site.

I'm tired and about to go to the dean to ask for a vacation, but duty calls and reading is an endless cycle of life currently...it's funny how God answers prayers....I asked to read more and now the reading just wont go away...so now I must go attend to life =)

when the going gets tough the tough gets going.......

so my wonderful roomie and I were having a very interesting conversation and we came across an interesting question.

What does it mean to say "God is calling me to do such and such?" Some people hear God's voice and that seems like the literal definition of being "called," but what about the other people who don't hear his voice audibly? I feel like I've tossed that term in the air quite a bit, and while I'm convicted that I receive callings to do things, what does that really mean? Somehow, it seems like a phrase used to describe this unexplainable emotion or feeling which leads to a conviction or determination to execute some action.

Like Justine said to me, learning what it means to be called by God is a life-long process that we'll discover. I doubt there's a right answer for that. Afterall, God does speak to us in different ways under different circumstances. We just have to listen and obey.